on some deleted poem
31 Dec 2002, 1:40 PM
Is it "to" timid or "too" timid?
on some deleted poem
31 Dec 2002, 7:46 PM
Lots of talent here. Structure has some beef to it. Who is Nopal?
on No One Cares by Quarton
24 Feb 2003, 7:17 PM
Damn...this is good. reminds me of walking around late night in SOHO or in & out of Ave. B. Just love the way you structured the first two lines in each paragraph. Solid 8
on of people and places (final cut)I by INTRANSIT
1 Jan 2003, 4:49 PM
I find this very relaxing. At least I know I'm not the only one counting tiles when on line at Taco Bell.
Seriously...your perspective on things around is very unique. I wish you were my neighbor so we could drink beers and laugh about things around us.
Seriously...your perspective on things around is very unique. I wish you were my neighbor so we could drink beers and laugh about things around us.
on some deleted poem
1 Jan 2003, 7:05 AM
This is nice. I can see where you are coming from with the form aspect. Nice job...time for me to read up a bit more.
on some deleted poem
31 Dec 2002, 1:50 PM
For some reason this reminds me of the ball turret gunner by Randall Jarrell. I like it!
on Februarys mother by INTRANSIT
31 Dec 2002, 7:14 PM
Nice. Caught all the images solid. There is so much to be said about letting a verse hang out there, letting others take from it what they may.
In this case, what the words meant to you also carried with me.
In this case, what the words meant to you also carried with me.
on The Eskimo and the fish by INTRANSIT
31 Dec 2002, 7:17 PM
There is a lot more in this that needs to be brought out. You've come on the idea of man and his role with nature, as providor and as his own master. Lots to swallow, but somewhere in these is the essence of what you were after.
on Prelude to a Legend by ThoughtfulSoul
31 Dec 2002, 7:50 PM
Try to crisp this up a bit by trimming the fat. I'm also a little lost on the form--are you trying to be a writer or a poet?
Regardless, you have a talent with words.
Regardless, you have a talent with words.
on The Eternal Center by Quarton
31 Dec 2002, 1:56 PM
this flows real nice. You have a very powerful image here, call it a concept as well. At times, I was wishing to grasp that concept much more, taste it a little stronger, but I got lost in flow.
Still, excellent stuff.
Still, excellent stuff.
on some deleted poem
10 Dec 2002, 1:52 PM
For some reason the image of crows fits very well with winter. Love the association you made with that.
Were you speaking of crows that migrate? Do they migrate?
Were you speaking of crows that migrate? Do they migrate?
on Word Baskets by powerline
22 Jul 2002, 8:36 AM
Nice suggestions. I should have finished this more before putting it on here. You're on the mark 100%. I was trying to make a link between old poets who "toiled in oil" and new poets who "work in pen" The last two lines suck...I've got to get them fixed.
on Untitled #2 by LucidRevelation
22 Jul 2002, 9:41 AM
True...very true. If it weren't for those eyes, men would be a lonely lot
on Shut up and Dance by NeeMan
15 Jul 2002, 8:42 AM
keep at it. A little more structure is needed. Images are right on the mark.
on some deleted poem
2 Jan 2003, 7:35 AM
This is decent. Some nice structure here. Have any poems that are not so personal to you?