on A Manifesto on Murder by Jeremi B. Handrinos
21 Aug 2003, 7:51 PM
surface snatching the cervix, as fee for service.
on A Mod Proposal (of Modest Proportions) by coolassbob
21 Aug 2003, 7:24 AM
funny. but i dinna see a proposal herein.
on some deleted poem
20 Aug 2003, 9:14 AM
3: rliging is great.
7: null
9: dadaesque.
i enjoyed this feast of things.
7: null
9: dadaesque.
i enjoyed this feast of things.
on One Sided Love by Caducus
22 Aug 2003, 2:41 PM
nicely done, sir
on some deleted poem
20 Aug 2003, 9:11 AM
was it rife with corn?
on some deleted poem
20 Aug 2003, 9:10 AM
i call it enfeebled.
on The Angel at the arcade (this is actually an 'acne') by scitz
22 Aug 2003, 11:01 AM
nice. love the countdown.
on D.I.Y.M Syndrome by Rilke4ClosetLesbians
22 Aug 2003, 11:03 AM
:)
on D.I.Y.M Syndrome by Rilke4ClosetLesbians
22 Aug 2003, 11:03 AM
or should i say
:o
:o
on Aphrodite (edited) by Caducus
22 Aug 2003, 11:54 AM
cad--nice first try. but. why. do. you. insist. on. writing. with. a. different. voice. than. the. one. you. speak. with., just. because. it's. a. sonnet???
see how fucking annoying that is?
don't try to be so noble. tell me about her breats, and how they mounded up, wet and lustrous, like pearls. tell me about the tangle of arame that dresses her..erm, 'cavern'... tell me about the sand in your crotch.
that's what i want to hear.
see how fucking annoying that is?
don't try to be so noble. tell me about her breats, and how they mounded up, wet and lustrous, like pearls. tell me about the tangle of arame that dresses her..erm, 'cavern'... tell me about the sand in your crotch.
that's what i want to hear.
on fragile by Bill Z Bub
21 Aug 2003, 7:55 PM
singular or plural: decide.
"to be opened"--superfluous. can it. and "now"--nix that 2.
do a little more with the last line--maybe 'tumbke into your sheets'. it's there, waiting for you--go on, man! write the bastard down!
"to be opened"--superfluous. can it. and "now"--nix that 2.
do a little more with the last line--maybe 'tumbke into your sheets'. it's there, waiting for you--go on, man! write the bastard down!
on When He's In Me by J.B. Manning
21 Aug 2003, 7:03 PM
nice build-up. i especially like "sweat so sweet that sour seems discreet".
typo: steel, not steal, right?
also: "Pain
Sparks
In my mind
Lightly slightly
Stimulates
And separates
Us from them"
who is us and who is them? gay/straight? something else? maybe it doesn't need to be explained, because this is about the heat, and i'm not wearing my inflammable cat suit tonight.
oh well.
typo: steel, not steal, right?
also: "Pain
Sparks
In my mind
Lightly slightly
Stimulates
And separates
Us from them"
who is us and who is them? gay/straight? something else? maybe it doesn't need to be explained, because this is about the heat, and i'm not wearing my inflammable cat suit tonight.
oh well.
on A Surgeons Butchery by SupremeDreamer
21 Aug 2003, 7:52 PM
this would benefit from the use of one or more poetic devices.
on stop poking me georges seurat by coolassbob
21 Aug 2003, 7:25 AM
i'll bet georges liked his peas.
i wonder what he drank?
i wonder what he drank?
on not titled by coolassbob
21 Aug 2003, 7:27 AM
shall i call you ismael?
i think you mean subscribe:
I do not _subscribe_ to a strict code of ethics.
i think you mean subscribe:
I do not _subscribe_ to a strict code of ethics.
on some deleted poem
21 Aug 2003, 10:37 AM
JB--wow, you really know how to beat a syllable into the ground. the bellicose repetition is very hard to get past. next time you sit at the keyboard, tuck that blunt instrument you call a rhyming dictionary back into the bookcase. it's gotta be tattered by now.
on trying to cross the border to Sweetgrass by Patsy
21 Aug 2003, 10:33 AM
i do not understand your line breaks.
on Wha you funkin wan? by ==Doylum
20 Aug 2003, 9:08 AM
bah. away so long, and this is your triumphant return? BAH!
on fragile by Bill Z Bub
22 Aug 2003, 10:54 PM
:)
have a 9.
have a 9.
garcon! une, encore!