on Candles by goddessbyfire
27 Jul 2003, 8:35 AM
gothtothemaxxxx
on A Student in Descent by EAger to Offend
23 Jul 2003, 9:29 PM
nice and lusty, mr eager.
i might change 11th grade to "seventeen", just because.
i might change 11th grade to "seventeen", just because.
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2003, 12:32 AM
we are all watching, you.
on some deleted poem
28 Jul 2003, 9:09 PM
flying, eating, purging, again. more. again.
on Octopussed by <{Baba^Yaga}>
28 Jul 2003, 5:31 PM
8, for the legs now floating, dead.
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2003, 11:39 AM
why don't you ever put flesh on these bones?
words are sumptuous, voluptuous, seductive. but you miser them away--have you a horde hidden somewhere, and will you spill it, someday?
words are sumptuous, voluptuous, seductive. but you miser them away--have you a horde hidden somewhere, and will you spill it, someday?
on Some die waiting, or laugh forgetting by Shardik
29 Jul 2003, 7:11 AM
nice one. alittle wrinkle here and there, but i felt it.
on Robotic Plague by bon
29 Jul 2003, 8:24 AM
this is nice:
The melodies we sang that compensate fond aches
but you do try me with the rest of those phrases strung garishly together to beat upon my consciousness
The melodies we sang that compensate fond aches
but you do try me with the rest of those phrases strung garishly together to beat upon my consciousness
on How it should have happened by INTRANSIT
29 Jul 2003, 8:29 AM
save the last stanza. cut the rest. the last is the only one where you say what you really mean. maybe the problem is that you don't want to be honest with yourself in your poetry. maybe that is why you always abstract the meaning, hiding it in your own personal labyrinth.
on Part II:Rhetoric by http://bandgeek
28 Jul 2003, 9:07 AM
yep. it's the AA ones i know, or even worse, the codas, who can't even have their own addiction, so they have to piggyback someone else's.
on Can you believe this piece of shit was #1? by horus8
23 Jul 2003, 6:04 PM
ah, the weak hand. that's the sort of thing that chicks do not think about. have a 9 day.
on Departing Suburbia by Caducus
25 Jul 2003, 8:19 AM
cad-- a few nitpicks:
starved cravings--redundant
âlets do lunch' bunch flow chart obssesives--corrected punctuation
nice lines here:
Sell a common man a common dream,
Weave the fabric of society in to his seam,
starved cravings--redundant
âlets do lunch' bunch flow chart obssesives--corrected punctuation
nice lines here:
Sell a common man a common dream,
Weave the fabric of society in to his seam,
on The Frey by Southern_Bell
25 Jul 2003, 7:28 AM
the line spacing here is awkward. run spell check. if you're going to use a made-up word, justify it, dammit!
POEMS DON'T NEED TO RHYME!!!
other than that, good try!
POEMS DON'T NEED TO RHYME!!!
other than that, good try!
on Gods Musician: Grave Digger by SupremeDreamer
28 Jul 2003, 9:21 AM
too many metaphors here, fighting each other.
on Christs Harlot by Don-Quixote
24 Jul 2003, 11:52 AM
harlot.
on some deleted poem
24 Jul 2003, 12:17 PM
niiice.
on Voluptuous, Blonde Bird-Woman by http://mulberryfairy
23 Jul 2003, 10:20 PM
watch for the, feathers, they get stuck in your teeth.
on some deleted poem
24 Jul 2003, 12:21 PM
well, she is from Maine.