on People by sav876
7 Nov 2002, 11:01 AM
how old are you? grow up.
on some deleted poem
8 Nov 2002, 8:56 PM
beautiful in its hesitance. "my stain, my son." and "a muzzle cold and fine to the hand" the decision wrapped in ambiguity is magnificent here. schwing!
on Some Things by Christof
7 Nov 2002, 8:44 AM
beautiful! it's a good thing you're across the pond indeed, christof.
on Determination by Birdman42s
9 Nov 2002, 2:33 PM
you lose the rhythm in the last stanza
on Hve you ever..... v2 by INTRANSIT
8 Nov 2002, 1:45 PM
this feel like it wants to be 'may the road always rise to meet you' in flavor, but it's too uneven. needs more cohesive structuring, and less fragmented thinking. make it more lyrical, if that is the effect you were going for...
on some deleted poem
8 Nov 2002, 8:57 PM
pretty pretty pretty, kitty. have some valerian and a nice nap.
on (no title) by savagelymakeitcount
8 Nov 2002, 9:05 PM
this feels like a lyric, but wears a little thin at the end.
on some deleted poem
7 Nov 2002, 12:31 PM
i don't like the 'on layaway' part. personal opinion. i think it cheapens an otherwise very well written piece.
also, the final five lines do not sit as well as they could with the rest of the poem. it is near perfect, so they bother me. if it was crap, like it could so easily have been, given the subject, i probably wouldn't care enough to mention it.
also, the final five lines do not sit as well as they could with the rest of the poem. it is near perfect, so they bother me. if it was crap, like it could so easily have been, given the subject, i probably wouldn't care enough to mention it.
on some deleted poem
7 Nov 2002, 10:58 AM
the origami rabbit is a metaphor to end all metaphors. kudos. have a 10.
on some deleted poem
7 Nov 2002, 11:00 AM
why am i disappointed by this one? maybe because i read 'the twisted' first. still there seems something overdone, even though most of it is 'dead'-on.
on some deleted poem
7 Nov 2002, 11:08 AM
this is so casual at first, and then the pain comes on hard. with work, this could pierce the heart.
on some deleted poem
7 Nov 2002, 11:10 AM
"Unwelcoming waters that served no purpose/But which were something one could watch." this does not fit. the poem has a mgic to it; in verbosity, you drain that quality away. see about paring it down some more.
on VINTAGE by bonsaimirror
7 Nov 2002, 12:14 PM
and wine turns to vinegar when exposed to air.
on i am genius personified by bondjedi
7 Nov 2002, 12:15 PM
i never calimed to be a genius. if i were one, and i had written this, i would have omitted the hypen; it is not clever. and so, i shall rank you and in so doing, also rank myself.
on Cantos part mmx (The Mud Poem) by bondjedi
7 Nov 2002, 12:17 PM
such a voyage of discovery! i like my early morning exploits much more than the ones you write of. to each his own, though.
on Of the opposition. Zipcode graffitti by Bachus
7 Nov 2002, 12:25 PM
i'm calling you on this one. fess up. NOW-uh!!!
on untitled2 by PunchMeInTheFace
6 Nov 2002, 8:48 AM
the ending is very very disappointing. there is nothing new here. the chasing frogs was new. years passed but not lived is stale. take the linebreaks back out. then people won't read it and be disappointed by it.
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2002, 8:42 AM
lovely and fallen. have a 9.
on Never Alone at Night by Limness
7 Nov 2002, 6:54 AM
you know who you are...
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2002, 8:50 AM
gorgeous.