poemranker ::20 most recent comments by <~> (401-420) and replies

Comments by<~>, 401–420 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on Too obvious by INTRANSIT 29 Jul 2003, 9:06 PM
what the hell are you doing up this late? popping zits?
replying on Sonnet for a Suicide by <~> 29 Jul 2003, 8:04 PM
no, no. the dead guy's shoes were off his feet.
replying on Sonnet for a Suicide by <~> 29 Jul 2003, 1:22 PM
well, the maggots had eaten through the plaid, you see.
replying on Sonnet for a Suicide by <~> 29 Jul 2003, 12:09 PM
nathalie, who found him, did not go to the wake. because she could not bear to tell the mother what she had really seen.
on How it should have happened by INTRANSIT 29 Jul 2003, 8:29 AM
save the last stanza. cut the rest. the last is the only one where you say what you really mean. maybe the problem is that you don't want to be honest with yourself in your poetry. maybe that is why you always abstract the meaning, hiding it in your own personal labyrinth.
on Robotic Plague by bon 29 Jul 2003, 8:24 AM
this is nice:

The melodies we sang that compensate fond aches

but you do try me with the rest of those phrases strung garishly together to beat upon my consciousness
replying on Taurus women and the pride by Shardik 29 Jul 2003, 7:15 AM
stubborn. willful. viscous when provoked. and the life of the party.
on Some die waiting, or laugh forgetting by Shardik 29 Jul 2003, 7:11 AM
nice one. alittle wrinkle here and there, but i felt it.
replying on After seven days in the sun by <~> 29 Jul 2003, 6:30 AM
rich, you need to shut up and write. have a nice drinkie, to get the juices flowing. float off in a skiff. put up a hammock. take off your shoes. have a hose fight with a kid. and stop watching so much damn disney. it's poison.
replying on After seven days in the sun by <~> 29 Jul 2003, 6:22 AM
why?
on Octopussed by <{Baba^Yaga}> 28 Jul 2003, 5:31 PM
8, for the legs now floating, dead.
on Gods Musician: Grave Digger by SupremeDreamer 28 Jul 2003, 9:21 AM
too many metaphors here, fighting each other.
on Part II:Rhetoric by http://bandgeek 28 Jul 2003, 9:07 AM
yep. it's the AA ones i know, or even worse, the codas, who can't even have their own addiction, so they have to piggyback someone else's.
replying on The Heart of a Man by Queen of Tease 28 Jul 2003, 8:55 AM
better.
on Candles by goddessbyfire 27 Jul 2003, 8:35 AM
gothtothemaxxxx
on Departing Suburbia by Caducus 25 Jul 2003, 8:19 AM
cad-- a few nitpicks:

starved cravings--redundant

‘lets do lunch' bunch flow chart obssesives--corrected punctuation


nice lines here:
Sell a common man a common dream,
Weave the fabric of society in to his seam,
on Jaded by Caducus 25 Jul 2003, 8:09 AM
better, but i have to say that the thing that struck me most the first time through was her pulling on your hair. that would make for a more memorable chorus than jealousy. just my opiniom, though... :)
on Jaded by Caducus 25 Jul 2003, 7:45 AM
Cad--the last line needs work. it should be stronger, especially after the tone of the song.
on The Frey by Southern_Bell 25 Jul 2003, 7:28 AM
the line spacing here is awkward. run spell check. if you're going to use a made-up word, justify it, dammit!
POEMS DON'T NEED TO RHYME!!!

other than that, good try!
replying on Feasting Ouroboros by <~> 24 Jul 2003, 12:51 PM
YES!!! thank you. ironically, i've been researching katmandu, but i had bangladesh in my head, from that lost-in-america poem.