on The Pimple Haikus - by scitz
24 Sep 2003, 5:57 PM
That bad?
on My Name Is Blood by William Delacroix
24 Sep 2003, 5:18 PM
Yeah, that was better than I first expected. I liked "gory glory". Did you misspell denial on purpose- play on "the Nile"? I liked your "breathe in, breathe out", too.
on The Weight of Civilization (Heavily Abridged) by Geschäftsreise
24 Sep 2003, 5:21 PM
Really!!
on some deleted poem
24 Sep 2003, 5:37 PM
This is an exercise that some of my more sentimental fellow social workers like to do with adolescents who are mandated to group therapy (you know, they pass it around where you fold down the top, and each participant writes a line to follow the line directly above...). That said, I would like to plagiarize (or, let's call it "borrow") my one line contribution to this poem:
"I wear sawdust instead of clothes."
"I wear sawdust instead of clothes."
on some deleted poem
24 Sep 2003, 5:48 PM
Did the examiner mean to type "trends" here, or treds? "So, with this scene, our story trends.
Softly now."
Tricky.
Softly now."
Tricky.
on some deleted poem
24 Sep 2003, 5:56 PM
Eu aprenderei terminar minha culpa. E você?
on some deleted poem
24 Sep 2003, 6:04 PM
If only I could trust it.
on Coagulated Sentences by J.B. Manning
24 Sep 2003, 6:07 PM
"then my Stomach lining" (than)
"your Stricken with" (you're)
"your Stricken with" (you're)
on some deleted poem
24 Sep 2003, 6:13 PM
5 minutes is all I need.
5 minutes makes for a short movie night with the collective homeless under my blanket.
5 minutes makes for a short movie night with the collective homeless under my blanket.
on some deleted poem
24 Sep 2003, 8:27 PM
Yes, I know it well.
on some deleted poem
29 Sep 2003, 10:53 AM
"That" is not you. This is not like your writing, are you making fun of some pimple? What'd you do to get this poemwanker award? Will this orange label follow you forever now?
on You Had To Go by peaceseeker
29 Sep 2003, 10:37 AM
Sure you liked his "longboard". Remove the question mark after "gig".
on Involunarily yours, by jacqui
29 Sep 2003, 10:44 AM
There are a few errors in there, unless you wrote them on purpose. Anyway, I assume the title is supposed to be "Involuntarily Yours", breadth= breath, and I would say "propped-open" instead of prop-open because prop-open sounds like a verb, when it seems that you'd prefer an adjective there. I liked this line: "fuck my rib cage,unhallowed jail!"
on Love poem by thavimatola
29 Sep 2003, 10:50 AM
"Warms your skin and brights your eyes" is too forced. Guenevere/Guinevere?
on Alone With Memories by Mona Lisa
29 Sep 2003, 11:00 AM
This was a little confusing and therefore distracting:
Always the same tune depending on the day,
Yet it never annoyed me.
If you mentioned Dad's name or the new man's name you'd upset Mum? If you are talking about your dad, that doesn't really make sense to me, because you probably wouldn't refer to him by his name so much as say "Dad"... Besides those nitpicky things, I liked it.
Always the same tune depending on the day,
Yet it never annoyed me.
If you mentioned Dad's name or the new man's name you'd upset Mum? If you are talking about your dad, that doesn't really make sense to me, because you probably wouldn't refer to him by his name so much as say "Dad"... Besides those nitpicky things, I liked it.
on some deleted poem
29 Sep 2003, 11:06 AM
I don't even want to think about this subject, Russian Roulette. Seems way more gross, somehow, than my train suicide poem.
on Every Second, Waking Eternity by TheVoiceless
29 Sep 2003, 11:12 AM
"An exhausted mind travels atop physical depravation,
Where will sleepless corruption led"
change to "deprivation", "lead"
"travelers feet"
change to traveler's feet
There are some good parts here, but you can certainly do more with this subject.
Where will sleepless corruption led"
change to "deprivation", "lead"
"travelers feet"
change to traveler's feet
There are some good parts here, but you can certainly do more with this subject.
on some deleted poem
29 Sep 2003, 11:15 AM
Hilarious and magical.
on all in one day by peaceseeker
29 Sep 2003, 11:28 AM
I love that "peace guy". Yeah, tell your friend to take his knife-bearing self back to Old Miss. Change that second to last line to say "talking to himself aloud" (or out loud, but without a dash). I think the last line is a little confusing, just say "as I pass him on the street" or something. Are you talking about that hallucinating man with the greasy hair and blue bandana?