on Love doggerel by thavimatola
29 Sep 2003, 11:32 AM
Cute.
on Blissful the Fungae Forest by peaceseeker
6 Oct 2003, 8:54 AM
One of your best. I loved the title and the description of the leaf catching- my daughter says it is good luck to catch one in the air. You ought to submit to CBW.
on Orchidess by abecedarian
7 Oct 2003, 10:01 AM
Nice work. However, I saw a picture of a Catasetum that looked short and stocky, rather than smooth and slender. The smooth and slender/spiralling tendrils reminds me more of the ghost orchid in that movie, "Adaptation". What did the French "la Fleur" add to the poem?
on Primal Reality by peaceseeker
7 Oct 2003, 10:15 AM
I was confused at the beginning for a while about who was the cat and who the dog, and how the dog got back out (?) to flip the body of the headless squirrel around. I think you ought to describe the neighbor more than to just say "overweight" because that could mean so many different things and didn't provoke any mental image for me of what he/she looks like.
on some deleted poem
10 Oct 2003, 6:29 PM
Is God wretching, or are those DNA strands? We should all be worried.
on Completely Psychotic by peaceseeker
10 Oct 2003, 6:36 PM
"blocked, he scatched
my eye yanked
on my hair"
this section could be edited to say blocked,/
he scratched my eye/
yanked on my hair/ "
because splitting up the verbs from the objects is confusing. Clean up that first line of typos, too.
A little more description of him and the proximity he was to the narrator with his knife would make it easier to visualize.
my eye yanked
on my hair"
this section could be edited to say blocked,/
he scratched my eye/
yanked on my hair/ "
because splitting up the verbs from the objects is confusing. Clean up that first line of typos, too.
A little more description of him and the proximity he was to the narrator with his knife would make it easier to visualize.
on some deleted poem
23 Oct 2003, 5:58 PM
You and "senescence"- that word always makes me think of a brand name for some facial cream for the aging. Sweet of you to care, but I was just out of town and busy, on a "business trip", if you will.
on Go On a Business Trip by abecedarian
23 Oct 2003, 6:01 PM
Nice little moral of the story there at the end, I know what you mean.
on Slayer Sucks by peaceseeker
23 Oct 2003, 6:06 PM
A social worker, even off the clock.
on African Killer Bees, it's not the smell of smoke by <{Baba^Yaga}>
23 Oct 2003, 6:10 PM
ouch
on Right side by <~>
23 Oct 2003, 8:32 PM
Nice images. Winter will soothe the insomnia. I love the seasons in your work.
on rainfall saga 7 by Bill Z Bub
23 Oct 2003, 8:39 PM
I imagine this series as an oral performance, and though I don't get it all, I appreciate it. The "recent" lineup here is full of weather poems tonight.
on some deleted poem
24 Oct 2003, 5:38 PM
Beautiful. Reminds me of the ghosts of slavery, with the bowing attendant trees and the antique quality of the house/gown.
on First Time In A Long Time by EAger to Offend
24 Oct 2003, 5:43 PM
Quite witty and well done. Maybe there should be a surgeon general's warning on the packages of guitar strings?
on some deleted poem
24 Oct 2003, 5:47 PM
Great ending there with the last 2 stanzas. The similies in almost every stanza were a little too frequent/repetitive for me, but nothing that the removal of a "like" here or there couldn't fix.
on Nathan - under the sun by SupremeDreamer
24 Oct 2003, 5:54 PM
Typo in the stanza before last (glimpsed) and peaceful's spelled wrong- unless that was a play on the word full (since his body was emptied of blood). Anyway, I think the rhyme makes this sound like one of your parody pieces, though the words aren't inappropriate or too cliche. You know you can improve this.
on some deleted poem
27 Oct 2003, 11:13 AM
maybe it is one of the few large group rituals our culture has intact?
I know what you mean by "equally golden brass", but it is a contradiction.
Did you mean to misspell ridiculous because of Nazi red? Good, but a
bit preachy, is it not?
I know what you mean by "equally golden brass", but it is a contradiction.
Did you mean to misspell ridiculous because of Nazi red? Good, but a
bit preachy, is it not?
on comment-ary by nentwined
27 Oct 2003, 11:14 AM
righteous