DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Primal Reality

Member since 2003 · Posted 7 Oct 2003 · 7 comments

"did you let the dog out?" he yelled little lily, going beserk at the contented cat, ironically named "lucky" who ate the squirrel head now it's lily's turn flipping the headless body this, her ultimate reward years spent barking, chasing earlier, while harvesting my first garden, to dry a friendly squirrel, nearby staring, silently chattering a loving curious squirrel sniffing my pile of flowers impatiens, petunias, pansies dusty miller, flocks and hops my overweight neighbor pulled in the driveway next door asked if I'd seen her puppy, francis, i told her i just saw him in the running pen she said the puppy escaped oh my god, oh my god while at the bookstore i scooped up free dog treats and gave them to lily in forgiveness in the primal reality of it all

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mean 6.58 weighted 6.16 rank 1051 views 190 View voting details →

12 votes so far. Yours would make 13.12 votes so far

7 comments

[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 7-Oct-03/9:31 AM Reply

my overweight
neighbor
fucked my dog
in the ass

BUT THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S A FAT DOG FUCKER

LOL!!

LOLTTM!!!!!!!!

Have fun!!!!

Nice to meet you!!!!!111

Thanks!!!!!111111111

Bye!!!!!!!!!!!1111111

[4] Shuushin 7-Oct-03/10:11 AM Reply

I read the
whole
thing and as
I neared the end I
began to panic,
because I could
feel my time
to make some sense
of it all
running out.

It does however, have some engaging language in the flashback about the garden - that's a nice snapshot.

[7] http://mulberryfairy 7-Oct-03/10:15 AM Reply

I was confused at the beginning for a while about who was the cat and who the dog, and how the dog got back out (?) to flip the body of the headless squirrel around. I think you ought to describe the neighbor more than to just say "overweight" because that could mean so many different things and didn't provoke any mental image for me of what he/she looks like.

[8] richa 7-Oct-03/12:25 PM Reply

the individual verse don't seem to hang together very well.

like the little rhymes running through the first verse, and flocks and hops

[10] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 7-Oct-03/5:16 PM Reply

You are a primal dunce. And no returns.

[8] Bachus 7-Oct-03/7:04 PM Reply

my only critique would be it should be compressed by two. In other words each line should take on the line below it doubling each line but making the actual physical poem smaller by a half.

[7] SupremeDreamer 8-Oct-03/12:14 AM Reply

what the hell is with the short lines? its damned annoying to read it in that fashion- specially since i dont see its purpose, and its written in a fashion where jaggedness doesnt suit it.

my only complaint- blessed with 7.