on some deleted poem
16 Sep 2003, 9:42 AM
Loved the last 2 lines.
on naive gazer by richa
16 Sep 2003, 9:47 AM
Beautiful. I have no complaints, and the poem seemed consistently good, no whimpy stanzas.
on some deleted poem
16 Sep 2003, 4:46 PM
Reminds me of "If I had a Hammer". Are you talking about god throughout this, or was that just one stanza. If it was just meant to be the one stanza, it seemed out of place, but if your love poem was about your relationship with god, I think you could use another reference to make it clearer.
on some deleted poem
16 Sep 2003, 4:36 PM
lispy- licious. That was fun. Damn, why didn't God say stay away from the temptation of brussel sprouts?
on some deleted poem
16 Sep 2003, 4:41 PM
You're a fickle pickle, which is tastier than the other kind of pickle.
on Can you comment and vote? by LuckyJoe
16 Sep 2003, 9:45 AM
I vote on everything, but you have to do something of higher quality than this (or something more repulsive) to get a comment every time!
on Cyber Junkie by J.B. Manning
16 Sep 2003, 4:06 PM
I like all of the references to rotting and impurity, it reminds me of those internet addicts who work as TA's in college computer labs with their greasy, unbathed appearances and smells- you know the ones who hang out in the lab even when they are off the clock. Exactly.
on some deleted poem
16 Sep 2003, 4:26 PM
Nice description and way of using it to make some political commentary. Why do you start out with "when 'you' went crosseyed" and then switch to "I". I think you should tell the reader it is you/the narrator all along. In this line, "did not last damn it me" is me a typo? I think the plural of lens may be lenses.
on End of year poem by <~>
16 Sep 2003, 9:49 AM
Your nature/interpersonal relations poems are always a joy to read, especially when they remind me that winter will be here soon.
on Babelfish Poetry (VI): les Graines de Notre Fin (Français) by Geschäftsreise
16 Sep 2003, 9:37 AM
Nice fable about the "first subsidiary ones" (care to shed an original language translation that means more)
I liked the line "La force de notre force ne peut pas dépasser la force de notre faiblesse" especially. Reminds me of the novel, "Ishmael".
I liked the line "La force de notre force ne peut pas dépasser la force de notre faiblesse" especially. Reminds me of the novel, "Ishmael".
on some deleted poem
16 Sep 2003, 9:40 AM
Your either/or is quite amusing. I'm a both/and kind of person.
on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos
15 Sep 2003, 10:04 AM
I could think of lower forms of whoring.
on sitting at the cliff's edge by nentwined
15 Sep 2003, 10:12 AM
Beautiful, you made the repitition so meaningful and lyric. This line "clinging us each tighter to the other" was a little awkward, could do without the "us", I think- or possibly replace w/ "clinging each of us tighter to the other". 10
on A Night Nurse by The_Third_Isis
15 Sep 2003, 10:17 AM
hypos- hippos.
I liked the play on the word pray/prey.
The rhyme at the beginning made it seem cornier than you might have intended.
I liked the play on the word pray/prey.
The rhyme at the beginning made it seem cornier than you might have intended.
on tRuNdLe WhEeL by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
15 Sep 2003, 10:23 AM
callipers is not in my dictionary, so I must agree with Dark Angel. Cute though. "Hum dum dee dum, dum dum dee dum, I'm so rumbly in my tumbly."
on Babelfish Poetry (V): 容æãªæè (Japanese) by Geschäftsreise
14 Sep 2003, 1:35 PM
I was surprised that it actually worked, because my screen is full of 0000's. ç¾ãããå度ã
on A new beginning by hobojo
16 Sep 2003, 4:29 PM
Why no garlic?
on playing the scratching game by nentwined
15 Sep 2003, 10:19 AM
Your comments are so constructive and thorough, you DO deserve comments in return.
on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos
16 Sep 2003, 4:20 PM
Why'd you have to ruin the illusion and expose that God's Wife's real name is Patricia? It's so ... ordinary! That was the damage done here, the character damage was reflected onto you.