on some deleted poem
13 Sep 2003, 8:55 PM
well done
on horse ass, whore ass, poor asses by peaceseeker
14 Sep 2003, 10:57 AM
Was this thonged masochist you? I liked the title, but you could use another reference to the horse ass part in your poem- maybe the horsebacked female cops that are so attracted to downtown Portland at night.
on maternal-infant bonding (rejection) by SupremeDreamer
12 Sep 2003, 10:59 AM
Nice. I loved "their mewlings". Interesting coming from you- did some research, did you?
on Babelfish Poetry (IV): Hablaré en pensamientos (Español) by Geschäftsreise
13 Sep 2003, 8:35 PM
These ears can't hear you ~>
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
on some deleted poem
14 Sep 2003, 11:04 AM
I fail to see what warrants a rerelease of this piece, except that you've decided to be consistent and misspell mulberry throughout the poem (except the title). Perhaps you are attempting a play on words in your misspelling of my username- but it doesn't seem like you mulled over this one for long. Is this the way you treat your gay friends when you are having respectful, intellectual disagreements? If so, I guess I should say I am flattered and I love you too.
Also, who said anything about being on my back? Be more imaginitive, "missionary"?!
Also, who said anything about being on my back? Be more imaginitive, "missionary"?!
on Watching My Son Sleep. by Mona Lisa
14 Sep 2003, 11:05 AM
Cute, and ambiguous as to the narrator's feelings there at the end.
on < A Perfect Faith > by Mona Lisa
14 Sep 2003, 11:06 AM
right
on my fucking dad by timvick473662003
13 Sep 2003, 8:24 PM
I like the detachment (dissociation) when you say "watching your dad beat you"- but I didn't like it as much toward the end, I couldn't really believe that the narrator would be able to be so remorseless about his/her mother's death.
on some deleted poem
13 Sep 2003, 8:52 PM
Vivid-a great descriptive piece. The stanza "I can feel already/ your hands in my hair" didn't do a lot for me. Is that going to be the first place this person touches when the narrator steps off the plane?
I want to know if this is an affair or a lifetime partner or boyfriend or what, but I am not sure knowing would make it better.
On the stare[s] section, I would advise
(take out "and the")"Mild turquoises of suburban/
pools stare upwards.
I want to know if this is an affair or a lifetime partner or boyfriend or what, but I am not sure knowing would make it better.
On the stare[s] section, I would advise
(take out "and the")"Mild turquoises of suburban/
pools stare upwards.
on I can, could, would. by TheVoiceless
13 Sep 2003, 8:57 PM
nice title
on Plastic is Forever by http://mulberryfairy
13 Sep 2003, 9:34 PM
Suggestions for "plastic-ized"? I imagine it sounding like plastisized, but don't think it is a word, and taking out the "c" makes it seem unclear-er.
on some deleted poem
12 Sep 2003, 7:57 PM
Where have you been? Getting knocked up by your cane carrying vaudevillian?
This is nice. The love/hate relationship with hormones and the "children" your narrator has resigned to forfeit are all very well constructed. The second line could use another word...like "was full as a petticoat" or, make that part of the sentence below "last night the moon/full as a petticoat/ shown upon this last month of harvest/ (or "this ovulation...") But, whatever, you know I am more of a prose writer so my feedback is slanted in that direction.
This is nice. The love/hate relationship with hormones and the "children" your narrator has resigned to forfeit are all very well constructed. The second line could use another word...like "was full as a petticoat" or, make that part of the sentence below "last night the moon/full as a petticoat/ shown upon this last month of harvest/ (or "this ovulation...") But, whatever, you know I am more of a prose writer so my feedback is slanted in that direction.
on The Sinners Saloon by SupremeDreamer
12 Sep 2003, 7:39 PM
Yes, I can see the source of your inspiration. I don't know about "sapless sinner"- I would think of your sinner more like a diabetic with an appetite for the sweet and decadent (but he/she would request the sour, for atonement purposes).
on THE BEST POEM EVER!!!!!! by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
12 Sep 2003, 7:45 PM
But alas, you misspelled "assumption", so all the power that your poem might have had to reverse vasectomies, etc., is voided.
on Armageddon (I Am Mr. America) by SupremeDreamer
12 Sep 2003, 10:21 AM
Quite enjoyable.
on some deleted poem
12 Sep 2003, 10:18 AM
Why is the title capitalized? I thought you were on the thumpin' wagon again. You really had me going for the first couple of verses.
on Lifestyles of the ripe and glamourless by horus8
12 Sep 2003, 10:42 AM
The comments were as good as the poem. Quite a storyteller, you are.
on Style by Nicholas Jones
12 Sep 2003, 10:56 AM
enjoyable