on An Offering to the Deity that is Me by razorgrin
8 Sep 2003, 6:22 PM
If you don't like it, pass it on down the table.
on Walking Home by EAger to Offend
8 Sep 2003, 10:40 AM
That was great. Well-written and descriptive. Loved the biblical allusions. Need an apostrophe in "township's rails" (6th stanza). 10
on Blind Faith by NNirvana13666
5 Sep 2003, 4:44 PM
Me neither. You and "electroman1979" might have a disagreement to talk about- see "Judgment Day".
on A new beginning by hobojo
8 Sep 2003, 6:27 PM
Do you mean "whiskey"?
on How to sleep sitting up by Bachus
9 Sep 2003, 6:15 PM
That is great, but clean up the typos, especially if this is a serious tribute to someone.
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2003, 4:35 PM
I guess.
on some deleted poem
12 Sep 2003, 10:15 AM
Nice "historical poetry". I liked the speechless cane and wheelchair of torture and rape.
on some deleted poem
9 Sep 2003, 6:43 PM
That was nice. You did a great job describing the pain and excitement around anticipating the reading the letter. I think you could include a line about why the narrator chose to wait until after her bath to open it. This line "With great thought, I scratch out my reply," seemed a little rough because "scratching out" a reply seems to contradict your narrator's writing it "with great thought". I'd imagine her doing graceful swirly letters, trying to make the writing of the letter last, or even sleeping with it under her pillow until the morning, when she'd reread it, then reply. She knows it'll be a while before she hears from the lover again. (If the narrator is you, I advise the use of email for long distance relationships, if possible. I was even able to give and recieve emails my girlfriend once every couple of weeks when she was at war in Iraq over the last year.)
on The Goodbye Hug by Amythest
9 Sep 2003, 6:47 PM
This sounds a lot like one of those email chain letters that my sentimental co-workers send me. Is that what you were going for? I am sure it'd be appreciated in that genre.
on some deleted poem
8 Sep 2003, 6:50 PM
It seems like you are trying social commentary, but it leaves me wondering if your narrator has a problem with the system the way it is? If your narrator does have a problem with him/herself living in the housing projects while athletes/rappers live in mansions, why would your narrator continue to "pay" for those celebrities' lifestyles? Just a thought.
on Help The Aged by Mr Pig
8 Sep 2003, 6:34 PM
I have a poem about a 89 year old client of mine who lives in an assisted living home, but you did such a good job of showing us this place and telling a story that I dare not post mine. Excellent. 10
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2003, 4:20 PM
God only knows everything because Santa Claus told her.
on some deleted poem
8 Sep 2003, 10:47 AM
As one of the unbelievers, I must say that Jesu did show up in my dreams, once, about 6 years ago, I believe it was the true messiah speaking to me. View my transcription of the TRUE messiah's words (as relayed to me through a dream). The poem is called "When Jesus Found Me".
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2003, 4:26 PM
cute, Mr. Cheese, but "wasn't not not"? Was that to keep the rhythm, to confuse us with a triple negative, or a typo?
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2003, 4:41 PM
"Her head now glued to the pages
of a popular mystery novel." that was a nasty trick to play on her just because she fell asleep first.
of a popular mystery novel." that was a nasty trick to play on her just because she fell asleep first.
on some deleted poem
5 Sep 2003, 4:33 PM
Nice work. I didn't like the "well" before "the one/ of our great grandfather"
on some deleted poem
4 Sep 2003, 6:58 PM
Enjoyed the tale- and you managed to make it poetic in spite of it being a good short story.
on some deleted poem
9 Sep 2003, 5:59 PM
Why does your narrator say "my heart is not mine to give"? Even if they are cheating, they still own their own hearts, right? Could they really help giving each other their hearts if they were so passionate?
on sick love by Nirvana13666
9 Sep 2003, 6:04 PM
Yikes. Hope this is fiction!
on Outliving the Alphabet (say goodbye to abecedarian) by Retaliate
4 Sep 2003, 6:53 PM
Top of the list for my unhairy hairyness, take that poetandknowit! But even the compliment isn't going to get you a 10 when you are saying goodbye, abecedarian.