on War Grave by Caducus
29 Sep 2003, 11:31 AM
I like your last 2 lines, especially. Nice job.
on all in one day by peaceseeker
29 Sep 2003, 11:28 AM
I love that "peace guy". Yeah, tell your friend to take his knife-bearing self back to Old Miss. Change that second to last line to say "talking to himself aloud" (or out loud, but without a dash). I think the last line is a little confusing, just say "as I pass him on the street" or something. Are you talking about that hallucinating man with the greasy hair and blue bandana?
on Every Second, Waking Eternity by TheVoiceless
29 Sep 2003, 11:12 AM
"An exhausted mind travels atop physical depravation,
Where will sleepless corruption led"
change to "deprivation", "lead"
"travelers feet"
change to traveler's feet
There are some good parts here, but you can certainly do more with this subject.
Where will sleepless corruption led"
change to "deprivation", "lead"
"travelers feet"
change to traveler's feet
There are some good parts here, but you can certainly do more with this subject.
on Alone With Memories by Mona Lisa
29 Sep 2003, 11:00 AM
This was a little confusing and therefore distracting:
Always the same tune depending on the day,
Yet it never annoyed me.
If you mentioned Dad's name or the new man's name you'd upset Mum? If you are talking about your dad, that doesn't really make sense to me, because you probably wouldn't refer to him by his name so much as say "Dad"... Besides those nitpicky things, I liked it.
Always the same tune depending on the day,
Yet it never annoyed me.
If you mentioned Dad's name or the new man's name you'd upset Mum? If you are talking about your dad, that doesn't really make sense to me, because you probably wouldn't refer to him by his name so much as say "Dad"... Besides those nitpicky things, I liked it.
on Love poem by thavimatola
29 Sep 2003, 10:50 AM
"Warms your skin and brights your eyes" is too forced. Guenevere/Guinevere?
on Involunarily yours, by jacqui
29 Sep 2003, 10:44 AM
There are a few errors in there, unless you wrote them on purpose. Anyway, I assume the title is supposed to be "Involuntarily Yours", breadth= breath, and I would say "propped-open" instead of prop-open because prop-open sounds like a verb, when it seems that you'd prefer an adjective there. I liked this line: "fuck my rib cage,unhallowed jail!"
on You Had To Go by peaceseeker
29 Sep 2003, 10:37 AM
Sure you liked his "longboard". Remove the question mark after "gig".
on Coagulated Sentences by J.B. Manning
24 Sep 2003, 6:07 PM
"then my Stomach lining" (than)
"your Stricken with" (you're)
"your Stricken with" (you're)
on The Pimple Haikus - by scitz
24 Sep 2003, 5:57 PM
That bad?
on The Weight of Civilization (Heavily Abridged) by Geschäftsreise
24 Sep 2003, 5:21 PM
Really!!
on My Name Is Blood by William Delacroix
24 Sep 2003, 5:18 PM
Yeah, that was better than I first expected. I liked "gory glory". Did you misspell denial on purpose- play on "the Nile"? I liked your "breathe in, breathe out", too.
replying on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos
16 Sep 2003, 6:12 PM
Perhaps if you don't want your tantrum to be commented on, you shouldn't republish it with a different title from day to day. Nobody is looking to get involved in your business with "Patricia", in fact, the average reader (including ordinary old me) probably doesn't even know the background info of why you are defaming her.
on A new beginning by hobojo
16 Sep 2003, 4:29 PM
Why no garlic?
on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos
16 Sep 2003, 4:20 PM
Why'd you have to ruin the illusion and expose that God's Wife's real name is Patricia? It's so ... ordinary! That was the damage done here, the character damage was reflected onto you.
replying on Nicholas Martin's last great paper by Bachus
16 Sep 2003, 4:14 PM
There is only one art program in Rhode Island that anyone would refer to as "art school"- that is the Rhode Island School of Design, its acronym is pronounced Rizzdee. You should "settle" the argument once and for all and call the registar to ask about the dear fellow.
on Cyber Junkie by J.B. Manning
16 Sep 2003, 4:06 PM
I like all of the references to rotting and impurity, it reminds me of those internet addicts who work as TA's in college computer labs with their greasy, unbathed appearances and smells- you know the ones who hang out in the lab even when they are off the clock. Exactly.
on End of year poem by <~>
16 Sep 2003, 9:49 AM
Your nature/interpersonal relations poems are always a joy to read, especially when they remind me that winter will be here soon.
on naive gazer by richa
16 Sep 2003, 9:47 AM
Beautiful. I have no complaints, and the poem seemed consistently good, no whimpy stanzas.