poemranker ::20 most recent comments by [mojo]

Comments by[mojo], the 20 most recent. Include replies

on The deafening silence in the world or something by Bachus 7 Mar 2003, 4:28 PM
Straight over my head.1.
on some deleted poem 7 Mar 2003, 4:39 PM
Effective, could benefit from some punctuation. A comma after "my face" would add punch to the following line. 6.
on some deleted poem 7 Mar 2003, 4:35 PM
Cold. I can smell the salt air when i read this. 9.
on Untitled by LucidRevelation 3 Feb 2003, 3:25 PM
Interesting structure. 6.
on Eternity by Jigg 3 Feb 2003, 3:21 PM
Plaintive but with an upbeat rhythm, a combination that works well 'till line seven, when it descends into borderline "angst" land. My advice, for what it's worth; you're better of going for "angry" than for "self-pity", especially with that rhythm. .5.
on I Am a Snob, or, 'A Definition' by JakeBike 3 Feb 2003, 3:17 PM
I have seen these symptoms, but, alas, you may be suffering from a side effect of reading to many of the poems to which you refer: "pedanticitis" .7.
on Living Conditions by Christof 29 Dec 2002, 3:33 AM
Liked the last two lines, not sure about the mole.7.
on #10 by daniella 29 Dec 2002, 3:37 AM
Flows well. Sounds almost "free association", did you work at this this or write it in one hit? Sounds like something written when you're tired and it comes out easily? .9.
on PHandAcid by New Life Drug 29 Dec 2002, 3:39 AM
Second stanza struggled more than the first "later":"elevator", dodgy? Sounds more like a song lyric? Suggest a bit of pruning/tightening. .6.
on some deleted poem 29 Dec 2002, 3:42 AM
Only "competant", by your standards. .7. (Again on "your" scale). "washed colors (sic) from May" particulary effective. Please watch the typos "colour" has a "u" in it. ;)
on Lasting Forever by angel_uy 29 Dec 2002, 3:44 AM
Pleasant enough, but could do with a bit more "zing". Perhaps you could tell us more about this character? .6.
on On The Bench Outside Gruhn's Guitars by <~> 3 Feb 2003, 3:12 PM
Elegant. Where's the guitar shop? I went to Manny's in NY once but i could only afford a T-Shirt after the hotel bill. 9.
on His Master's Jodhpurs by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 2 Feb 2004, 2:27 PM
I'm British, and therefore i naturally know what jodhpurs are, in fact i wear them frequently whilst shooting foxes etc... 10... (Toots on horn)... ;)
on For Ike by INTRANSIT 16 Nov 2004, 9:46 AM
Excellent. I was needing a little bit of rhyme and along it came... bang on time. V nice.
on Blinking by zodiac 17 Apr 2005, 1:24 AM
I think I get it. And i'm sure i like it. I see the innocence of childhood being reinterpreted into the freedom of adult nudity. Or something. Either way it took some bravery yo tag a cock line onto a the end of a worthy poem, and for that you deserve at least some respect. 9. PS Reminds me my own effort at freedom here: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=123481
on Layne Staley's Sunglasses by Jeremi B. Handrinos 20 Apr 2005, 11:59 PM
Overly bleak. Maybe i just prefer life AFFIRMING haiku?
on The temple of Dissaray by DeadtotheWorld 21 Apr 2005, 12:01 AM
I'm always wary of any poem with "pain" "misery" "torture" and "despair" on ONE line! Seems more than a little angst(y). And "Theirs" should be "There's".
on Minoan lover by Jeremi B. Handrinos 21 Apr 2005, 12:03 AM
Different. It bears the repetition well, but starts to founder. I'd cut verse 3. "House with no start" seems nonsencicle, or stretched at best.
on Head and Shoulders by Jeremi B. Handrinos 21 Apr 2005, 12:08 AM
Intriguing. Menthol shampoo or one of those wire devices?
on Flesh of Stone by Tangerines 21 Apr 2005, 3:18 AM
Excellent. The numbered verses might have seemed pretentious on a lesser work, but you pull it off. Quite excellent. 10.