second stanza has some fresher language in it, but somehow its like spending a day with grandma and getting a half dollar on the way out.

I'm giving you a seven in the hopes that the 8 syllable line was intentional.

Cuz, well - that would be funny.

omg - this is long. I'll need some time to digest this... a couple weeks should do it.

I can't imagine anyone too tall to leap.

How does that work?

is there a missing word in the next to last line?

I think your search for alliteration and rhyme put a slight, likely unintentional, comedic twist to the thing.

It is difficult to take such a thing seriously when it rhymes too conveniently.

The only examples I can think of involve war.

A good exercise - writing this stuff will help you to write the things people want to read.

I do like the idea of adding some sound effects, etc. - but not enough of it here to realize that idea.

This is just so classic a pimple - the one word I come to is "endearing".

But this subject has been so done. and done.

AABBCC... rhyming is maddening - it really is.

That last line made me think of Frost, and then I had a hard time thinking of anything else.

Nice.

"to[o] late"

A unfasionably tired sentiment extremely well said.

Ack.

Hey - not bad for a poem of this type; one of the better ones.

Makes me wonder who begat pain and/of suffering if death begat this child described (or, as you say - you).

Are your friends pain and suffering?

The daffodil line was a nice surprise. Seems you'll get a concensus regarding the ending.

First two stanzas quite lovely and precisely made.

The last does not work for me. I really hope you are able to bring it full circle somehow.

Some line breaks might help this.

A preamble.

To what?

So much text to wade through; lots of telling, no line breaks...

Let the words do some of the work (give us both a break).

I'm afraid I must too sound harsh.