on some deleted poem
25 Apr 2004, 7:28 PM
A Bjork tribute??
on She Searches For Love by validus_vox
24 Apr 2004, 3:28 PM
Hey Mike - Give this a shot as a poem. I don't mean that in a sarcastic way.
Allow yourself half the lines, and a third the words.
Allow yourself half the lines, and a third the words.
on Merry-Go-Round by Miggy
24 Apr 2004, 3:33 PM
Right off I don't like "passes by" - is there some other way to let me know you like being around this person?
Some way to express that frustration when they bail so I can feel it instead of acknowledging it?
Maybe it being a lyric gets you off the hook from being poetic? I hope not.
Some way to express that frustration when they bail so I can feel it instead of acknowledging it?
Maybe it being a lyric gets you off the hook from being poetic? I hope not.
on some deleted poem
24 Apr 2004, 5:06 PM
yep, that last bit falls apart pretty well.
sweaty palms twice AND you tell me your nervous. pick one of the three please.
sweaty palms twice AND you tell me your nervous. pick one of the three please.
on Exclamatory Abuse by Blindpoetry
24 Apr 2004, 6:52 PM
"to[o] cold" quick - fix and repost.
on evolution 9 by wilco
25 Apr 2004, 10:32 AM
looky, its a arrowhead.
What is this creature, and how did its description merit a ten from daveslady? Are you, by any chance, Dave?
I can give it a nine I guess, cuz well if its good enough for her...
What is this creature, and how did its description merit a ten from daveslady? Are you, by any chance, Dave?
I can give it a nine I guess, cuz well if its good enough for her...
on Exclamatory Abuse by Blindpoetry
25 Apr 2004, 10:43 AM
unusual texture, conveys well.
on Remembering Pretty Days by wilco
25 Apr 2004, 10:49 AM
- shouldn't
- didn't (apostrophe generally goes with the missing letter)
- nonetheless is usually one word.
Well done, but I'd consider loosing that second stanza, or to at least get more out of it. Nine.
- didn't (apostrophe generally goes with the missing letter)
- nonetheless is usually one word.
Well done, but I'd consider loosing that second stanza, or to at least get more out of it. Nine.
on To Be Happy by embersandenvelopes
25 Apr 2004, 10:51 AM
I liked polar-fickle-phases, and liked trying to figure out what it means.
on some deleted poem
25 Apr 2004, 10:55 AM
I don't agree to making this a pimple - but kill the last stanza I think.
It does have a mantra-like sense to it and it flows fairly well. Prolly a little thinning would increase the impact a bit?
I just don't happen to agree with some of it. I believe that true beauty actually is perfection - its just that most definitions for perfection are... imperfect.
It does have a mantra-like sense to it and it flows fairly well. Prolly a little thinning would increase the impact a bit?
I just don't happen to agree with some of it. I believe that true beauty actually is perfection - its just that most definitions for perfection are... imperfect.
on some deleted poem
26 Apr 2004, 12:46 PM
as a strategy to winning one's love - destined to result in a lonely life of conversing with small birds.
a nice clipping best kept for a larger poem?
a nice clipping best kept for a larger poem?
on some deleted poem
26 Apr 2004, 12:48 PM
The language in this is ... problematic.
Having said that, maybe there's a market for it someplace?
Having said that, maybe there's a market for it someplace?
on Now I'm with you by Roisin
26 Apr 2004, 12:53 PM
A nice sentiment, and perhaps strongly felt - but too easy.
on The True Irony by thepinkbunnyofdoom
26 Apr 2004, 12:58 PM
I just couldn't get my arms around this one. Maybe some line breaks, maybe some compartmentalization - dunno.
on Bottom half of a phone by That One
26 Apr 2004, 7:14 PM
you are = you're
on Juno's Peacock by horus8
26 Apr 2004, 7:51 PM
Art Noir. Reminded of those private eye stories.
strong.
strong.
on Lose That Too ! by recherche
27 Apr 2004, 7:06 AM
is "daffolds" right?
Cadence is consistent, good job with that.
Cadence is consistent, good job with that.
on A Proclamation to Our Lord by Joe-joe
27 Apr 2004, 7:08 AM
Not my cup of tea - but, clear enough.
Is there a poetic way to express this?
Is there a poetic way to express this?
on sweet surrender by francis nor capule
27 Apr 2004, 7:10 AM
you said "dreams are to be realized" then added it again.