on some deleted poem
20 Oct 2003, 9:19 PM
a fithing epitaph - I with I had thome of my teef weft. Wiath a minuth - how come I can thay the 'th' sound in 'thome' but I canth thay the 'th' sound in 'teef'??
thunofabith.
thunofabith.
on Lake Arrowhead by abecedarian
20 Oct 2003, 9:24 PM
I'm going to save a limb from an electronic tree and just agree with hatters hare completely.
There is some wonderful language in this, particularly in the "Unfortunately..." stanza.
There is some wonderful language in this, particularly in the "Unfortunately..." stanza.
on some deleted poem
21 Oct 2003, 11:14 AM
I doesn't know why they - I've thought about it too.
I've ne'r heard of Andrea Corr, btw - but I've just looked her up, thanks.
My idols (though thats a pretty strong word) come and go and and vary by subject.
In music, I'd have to say Don Henley; poetry - Wallace Stevens. For racing, I'd have to agree with Mr. D. Angel ...
I've ne'r heard of Andrea Corr, btw - but I've just looked her up, thanks.
My idols (though thats a pretty strong word) come and go and and vary by subject.
In music, I'd have to say Don Henley; poetry - Wallace Stevens. For racing, I'd have to agree with Mr. D. Angel ...
on Toku by Bill Z Bub
21 Oct 2003, 7:32 PM
Nutty and impressive (in the way that it leaves an impression).
I like the unusual formatting.
On the downside, I feel like there is an oversimplification, or a misunderstanding someplace; just a feeling.
I like the unusual formatting.
On the downside, I feel like there is an oversimplification, or a misunderstanding someplace; just a feeling.
on some deleted poem
21 Oct 2003, 7:34 PM
Ack. Seeds - I hate seeds.
on some deleted poem
21 Oct 2003, 7:42 PM
Okay - lots of really interesting and good things happening in this piece!
Great imagery.
The second stanza though - it just doesn't gel for me. I think you went a tad too far in the simile then the further description of how you were assembled - the whole yard gnome/lawn thing.
Almost starts to sound like a bad detective novel "she was like the night, really dark and when I was around her I would always wack my shins" - okay, an extreme bad example.
Great imagery.
The second stanza though - it just doesn't gel for me. I think you went a tad too far in the simile then the further description of how you were assembled - the whole yard gnome/lawn thing.
Almost starts to sound like a bad detective novel "she was like the night, really dark and when I was around her I would always wack my shins" - okay, an extreme bad example.
on some deleted poem
21 Oct 2003, 7:45 PM
I can hear it speaking to me, but I'm not sure what it's saying - it is interesting, but puzzling.
I don't mind puzzles.
As an aside, a nocturne is usually about the night - is this part of the puzzle?
I don't mind puzzles.
As an aside, a nocturne is usually about the night - is this part of the puzzle?
on Evel Knievel's last bananna split by horus8
22 Oct 2003, 6:18 AM
Awesome title - now I have to read it; please hold...
Hey that rocks. It's a sad and pitiful rocking, but with an air of challenges overcome.
Hey that rocks. It's a sad and pitiful rocking, but with an air of challenges overcome.
That second stanza in particular describes an old scene in a very fresh way; well done!
This use of the parenthetical gives it an interesting flavor - like building a language - or a mythology. I think it can easily be overdone though - you've kept on the inside of that.
bird leaves as she cools, the parallel with the decomposing city - nice.
This use of the parenthetical gives it an interesting flavor - like building a language - or a mythology. I think it can easily be overdone though - you've kept on the inside of that.
bird leaves as she cools, the parallel with the decomposing city - nice.
on My Chocolate F-9 by abecedarian
22 Oct 2003, 6:35 AM
A Gibson mandolin, I believe. And an expensive one.
This expresses that desire to rush but the fear of breaking very well - and that has larger implications.
liked it!
This expresses that desire to rush but the fear of breaking very well - and that has larger implications.
liked it!
on some deleted poem
22 Oct 2003, 7:02 AM
echos of wallace stevens here - and there's not a damn thing wrong with that(although that could just me being effected by "if you know how to use a hammer, everything looks like a nail")
Lovely - sensual, sweetly cadenced.
Lovely - sensual, sweetly cadenced.
on some deleted poem
27 Oct 2003, 5:16 PM
(Petrarchan)
on I have no problem with short people of color or religion by horus8
27 Oct 2003, 6:03 PM
holy shit thats alot of words - actually, its only 680 - but it felt like more. I read them all.
Quite a cathartic rant - feel better??
Quite a cathartic rant - feel better??
on Waiting On A Friend by Yatasuma
27 Oct 2003, 6:07 PM
I totally get it, but it took me a few (cuz I'm medicated).
I love cable. You should get cable (or DSL) or a modem that works.
I love cable. You should get cable (or DSL) or a modem that works.
on What The Hell?! Oh, It's You... by Yatasuma
27 Oct 2003, 6:08 PM
a well conveyed [senryu]; a simple sentiment.
gave me a smile.
gave me a smile.
on turn the cameras off by crin
27 Oct 2003, 6:10 PM
kindof a lyrical quality.
Not crazy about the lowercase "i"s, and maybe a tad too many cliches/term dropping - but workable methinks.
Not crazy about the lowercase "i"s, and maybe a tad too many cliches/term dropping - but workable methinks.
on The Gone-Too-Far Kitchen by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
27 Oct 2003, 6:17 PM
Pretty excellently done. Wonderful language use and the thing is polished up quite nicely.
the use of "sanguine" gives me a little pause though - I can appreciate the aliteration it gives, and I see you've tied it in with the last stanza - but I just can't roll over it. Prolly just me. Maybe it's *because* of the alliteration with "submerged"? Maybe swap out submerged instead?
the use of "sanguine" gives me a little pause though - I can appreciate the aliteration it gives, and I see you've tied it in with the last stanza - but I just can't roll over it. Prolly just me. Maybe it's *because* of the alliteration with "submerged"? Maybe swap out submerged instead?
on comment-ary by nentwined
27 Oct 2003, 6:58 PM
I like your haiku/senryu, you do a very nice job of conveying a single, not necessarily simple, thought in them.
People think that's easy. Spewing the first thing that comes into your head and bleeding bile and blood all over a page - THATS easy.
Sorry, I was spewing. Done now.
People think that's easy. Spewing the first thing that comes into your head and bleeding bile and blood all over a page - THATS easy.
Sorry, I was spewing. Done now.
"hollow stone"
"eternal view"
"insomniatic dreams"
I could do with one less "warm" in the last stanza.