some of the rhyming threw me a little. Intriguing - sounds like a bigger story is left unsaid.

I think this is beautiful - but, some of the line splits through me a little and I had to read them a few times - tighten it a bit and it will be perfect. I give you a 9 - 10 when it's revamped. Send this out - it's worthy....

Excellent sonnet. A whimsical sadness. I give it a 9

the bashing of religion on this site just amazes me... first of all - it is not God who causes children to be molested, young people to die or any other evil that goes on in this world - man allows his faith to be so weak that evil seeps in and takes control. You wonder where God was - He was holding your ungrateful, weak, faithless ass up, not allowing evil to take that final step of control.

excellent tone.

Insomnia blows.

A definate 9

wow! I think you've both left me speachless - my thanks.

harsh... be sure to add your encouragement and critique to some of the others who have missed your insightfulness..

A very haunting quality. I thought the last line should have just a bit more - but that's just me. Excellent read otherwise.

This is excellent - kudos to you. But, I like it as it is - all those semi-colons are annoying and take away from the simple beauty and soft voice of the poem.

This was great - very amusing, entertaining and well written.


And the banter of replies - you guys kill me....

skittles - ooh.. meant it as catching breakfast - as in trout - not .... that. Will definately give the end some consideration for change. Thanks for the 8.

I'm afraid I have to agree with the others - a tale with no expression... A shrink is an amazing use of money and really can help with your issues.

very wise - liked this one!

A little venting going on? I liked it though. I bless you with an honest 8.

thanks hypatia - will definately consider suggestions.

that was great! thoroughly enjoyable.. I dub thee with a 9

the mind is in the gutter and the title is just killing me....

overall - felt like the beginning of a story - wanted to read on but, alas, there was no more..

I liked the just on the edge of dark, old romantic feel of this.

I like the intensity to this piece - it's darkness. I made me want to keep reading until the end.

I try not to say anything disparaging - but you're a much better writer than this - this made me think you were 12 - or younger. My 9 year old niece writes better than this piece.