on some deleted poem
9 Jun 2004, 6:02 PM
Poetaster.
on some deleted poem
9 Jun 2004, 6:07 PM
skimple-skample.
on some deleted poem
10 Jun 2004, 12:14 PM
Unfortunately the 'trate' implies that you only 'tried' to have sex, and never actually succeeded.
'Que tuve sexo' would be wittier.
'Que tuve sexo' would be wittier.
on driven by ThePariahDog
9 Jun 2004, 5:24 PM
That's it, I'm gonna kill somebody.
What are you trying, in your own ridiculously long-winded and formless way, to say here? This is clearly about absolutely nothing! What, you went for a drive on a really hot day?
Touch and go objectives????
Devil driven influences inable an inner calmness??
How?
Surrounding air permissisibly drags you? What, do you live at 40 ATMS?
This is hopeless.
What are you trying, in your own ridiculously long-winded and formless way, to say here? This is clearly about absolutely nothing! What, you went for a drive on a really hot day?
Touch and go objectives????
Devil driven influences inable an inner calmness??
How?
Surrounding air permissisibly drags you? What, do you live at 40 ATMS?
This is hopeless.
on some deleted poem
9 Jun 2004, 5:33 PM
You can taste the glimmered reflection of an ocean moon?
If only the thumb wrestling, the glance and the smile convey meaning then why are you writing about all that other crap?
If only the thumb wrestling, the glance and the smile convey meaning then why are you writing about all that other crap?
on some deleted poem
9 Jun 2004, 5:38 PM
The marital sin? What the fuck is that? If it's what I think it is, you're horribly repressed. Go directly to looneybins.com and get some therapy.
Healed strings? Healed strings? Hahahhahahaha!
Healed strings? Healed strings? Hahahhahahaha!
Humans die all sorts of ways, so be more specific. Name someone who died that way. Also aren't you describing what happens after death?
Kill the 'on unforgiving...' line. the line before it is so much more interesting and the audience already knows windshields are transparent. "Jealous" how is it jealous? I don't know what the next 2 lines stand for, but it would sound and look better without the 'a' before fluid. What do those lines mean? It isn't clear.
Kill the 'on unforgiving...' line. the line before it is so much more interesting and the audience already knows windshields are transparent. "Jealous" how is it jealous? I don't know what the next 2 lines stand for, but it would sound and look better without the 'a' before fluid. What do those lines mean? It isn't clear.
on Wedding Day by Caducus
9 Jun 2004, 11:45 AM
You know there are some fantastic images here, but then you drown them in muck.
That first stanza is romantic and quite musical intil thee last line. reminds me of Garcia Lorca and than at the end it's like eating the last peanut in the Cracker Jacks and it tastes all rotten and soggy. Do you take writing poetry seriously, or are here because your bored?
Her vanilla gown was lifted. I like that line. it has a nice assonance.
That first stanza is romantic and quite musical intil thee last line. reminds me of Garcia Lorca and than at the end it's like eating the last peanut in the Cracker Jacks and it tastes all rotten and soggy. Do you take writing poetry seriously, or are here because your bored?
Her vanilla gown was lifted. I like that line. it has a nice assonance.
on my unicorn by francis nor capule
9 Jun 2004, 12:35 PM
Good gravy.
on some deleted poem
9 Jun 2004, 12:42 PM
You're not really this naive?
on asleep in the night by saylor3000
4 Jun 2004, 3:27 PM
I'd eat a double bacon cheeseburger with a large order of curly fries and a large vanilla shake.
on love by francis nor capule
4 Jun 2004, 3:30 PM
Are you the Down's syndrome love child of Rod McKuen, or some kind of retarded stalker? This poem is so bad it's frightening.
on some deleted poem
4 Jun 2004, 3:41 PM
Girls Gone Wild, San Felipe 2001.
on Black Rose by arduinn
4 Jun 2004, 3:44 PM
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH AAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
Ok I feel better now.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH AAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
Ok I feel better now.
on some deleted poem
2 Jun 2004, 7:49 PM
Is 'is' suppose to be 'as', or is 'grows' suppose to be 'growing'? Otherwise, I think your poem is very good.
on Piccadilly to Baker Street by Caducus
2 Jun 2004, 1:12 PM
ugh.
on Tomorrow's Dance by RevHydra
2 Jun 2004, 1:13 PM
What the fu...?
on some deleted poem
2 Jun 2004, 1:17 PM
Hip Hop meets Peace-nik meets Mother Goose meets Fundamentalism meets every 20something 'street-poet' doing her thang.