on some deleted poem
25 Feb 2003, 3:43 PM
I need a wife.
on Greek Tragedy#1 by Mr Pig
25 Feb 2003, 2:03 PM
I'm comfoozled Mr. Pig.
on In the darkness by CrAzYlAdY Surukain
24 Feb 2003, 8:51 PM
Keep 'thrift'.
on Fuck the system by which we live by Lucifer
26 Feb 2003, 4:28 PM
Sometimes the gold gets swallowed, but then it comes out your ass buried undered a pile of crap. This needs to be dug through.
on The Fate of the Gilt by OneFingerAnswer
26 Feb 2003, 4:35 PM
Isn't "hath" in line 2? The end is better than the beginning. That is my personal flaw.
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on some deleted poem
26 Feb 2003, 4:36 PM
Knowledge.
on some deleted poem
26 Feb 2003, 4:42 PM
S6 as S1. Start of with the bang. (pun intended)
You make my clit erect.
S
You make my clit erect.
S
on some deleted poem
25 Feb 2003, 10:29 PM
I think you're a genius.
Can you make the ?'s turn into degrees? the last line weakens the entire structure. Re-think it.
Can you make the ?'s turn into degrees? the last line weakens the entire structure. Re-think it.
on some deleted poem
25 Feb 2003, 10:36 PM
jiminy Christmas somethings never change. Some rough spots, mainly S4, I'm too tired to take a serious look, overall I think it's strong and important.
on A prayer for my mum by Mr Pig (again)
23 Feb 2003, 1:50 AM
"Magic tears of Happiness". A mother's tears.
on I'll love you Heather, for ever and ever by TanHand
24 Feb 2003, 8:28 PM
Lovely, freshly laundered sheets lovely
New socks lovely
The smell of burning dust from turning on the furnace for the first time this year lovely. Couplet after S2 needs rewriting. Doesn't jive with feel of poem.
New socks lovely
The smell of burning dust from turning on the furnace for the first time this year lovely. Couplet after S2 needs rewriting. Doesn't jive with feel of poem.
on He put a price on her head by Nanshe
24 Feb 2003, 9:20 PM
Good structure, nice surprise. Usually I have a problem with diaphanous, overused poetry word, but works well here.
on A prayer for my mum by Mr Pig (again)
23 Feb 2003, 1:46 AM
Thisis going to take weeks for me. My son is 12, sleeps in my bed, holds my hand everywhere. Tells me he loves me 5, maybe 6 times each day. He looks at me straight in the eyes.
on Resurrection (for Gods Wife) by Mr Pig
23 Feb 2003, 4:55 PM
Interesting. Very interesting. Somehow you manage Judas quite well. I'm intrigued by the way you make him blandly human. I think the 40 nights and the bleeding go very well together. It was a trial in the desert for him, and this life is a trial for us. We bleed through most of it, not always the bad kind, especially for we girls. Men use to bleed, but then the boys became frightened by it. Tell me, my beautiful Pig, why can't the boys be men? Things are getting desperate.
I'm giving this poem a ten because it says so much. Jesus can bleed but Judas musn't, it's not that he can't, it just that he has to make sure he plays his part inorder to make the promise come true. Fuck the pieces of silver, I believe he would have done it for free. If there is a Heaven, God must be showering Judas with gratitude.
Thank you so much for the demonstrations of love, it is greatly appreciated. Love you back.
I'm giving this poem a ten because it says so much. Jesus can bleed but Judas musn't, it's not that he can't, it just that he has to make sure he plays his part inorder to make the promise come true. Fuck the pieces of silver, I believe he would have done it for free. If there is a Heaven, God must be showering Judas with gratitude.
Thank you so much for the demonstrations of love, it is greatly appreciated. Love you back.
on Unmasking Wyverns by horus8
23 Feb 2003, 1:57 AM
You're power is in the seaweed egg-drop. Or perhaps it's the Ahi, broiled just right. Either way you win, straight out, 1st prize, and here we go...
on The Blooding by Mr Pig
23 Feb 2003, 5:11 PM
Top-notch. I think if I had read this in some publication i would have pased out. There are things I want to say to you, but I no it is better not to reveal them. We are a kind.
This poem captures me like a trap. The words are so inticing, and then whoosh! the rope strangles my ankle, and in a split second I'm upside-down and dangling. Cut me down Mr. Pig. Take me back to the cottage, I'll fry you some taters, scrub out the bathtub, and all with Lady's hands.
Seriously you've built a profound thing. "Black jelly" "huntsmen" again the Judas- your father, doing what he must, and all of us hating him for it. Most importantly you cross the barrier and make menstruation a universal experience. I have never seen a man attempt it before, and I doubt I well ever see one do a better job of it.
This poem captures me like a trap. The words are so inticing, and then whoosh! the rope strangles my ankle, and in a split second I'm upside-down and dangling. Cut me down Mr. Pig. Take me back to the cottage, I'll fry you some taters, scrub out the bathtub, and all with Lady's hands.
Seriously you've built a profound thing. "Black jelly" "huntsmen" again the Judas- your father, doing what he must, and all of us hating him for it. Most importantly you cross the barrier and make menstruation a universal experience. I have never seen a man attempt it before, and I doubt I well ever see one do a better job of it.
on Ad patres el prostitute by <{Baba^Yaga}>
23 Feb 2003, 5:25 PM
Stanza after killer stanza. Is it the weather or my hormones? Everybodies writing is sharp these days.
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