replying on To Michelle by ALChemy
28 Mar 2006, 7:21 PM
So use it in a poem without sounding like a delusional old man.
replying on To Michelle by ALChemy
28 Mar 2006, 7:19 PM
That's the form not the style.
replying on To Michelle by ALChemy
28 Mar 2006, 7:18 PM
Since when is alchemy mythical? There are no others, except maybe someone who's writing humorous poetry. I never said it wasn't ok. Everything's ok when it comes to creativity with the exception of having to take a life. It's my opinion that this kind of affectation comes across as insincere.
replying on To Michelle by ALChemy
28 Mar 2006, 7:07 PM
Human thought on relationships hasn't changed much in oh maybe 8,000 years. The only noun which is exclusively of the present is 'apartment' every other noun existed since Faustus was born.
replying on To Michelle by ALChemy
28 Mar 2006, 7:03 PM
What are you his PR person?
What do you mean "mythical tone"?
Name one poet who reverted to writing in a style from a previous era.
What do you mean "mythical tone"?
Name one poet who reverted to writing in a style from a previous era.
replying on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy
28 Mar 2006, 6:58 PM
That poem's a piece of crap.
Then it should be 'let your'. Also it should be 'fate befalls'
Then it should be 'let your'. Also it should be 'fate befalls'
replying on To Michelle by ALChemy
28 Mar 2006, 6:46 PM
If you want to write meaningful poetry, yes. If not, then no.
I'm not saying it's neccessary, if you wan't to write "The Jabberwocky" well then go right ahead. But what's the point of writing if you're not expressing reality? History has plenty of melodramatic poetry from the 19th century, it doesn't need any more. Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
Now if he's writing a book entitled Antiquities Of The Mind then he's on the right track.
I'm not saying it's neccessary, if you wan't to write "The Jabberwocky" well then go right ahead. But what's the point of writing if you're not expressing reality? History has plenty of melodramatic poetry from the 19th century, it doesn't need any more. Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
Now if he's writing a book entitled Antiquities Of The Mind then he's on the right track.
on To Michelle by ALChemy
28 Mar 2006, 6:32 PM
Are you at all interested in your poetry reflecting contemporary life, or are you affecting the role of a dandy purposefully? This is foppish.
on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy
28 Mar 2006, 6:28 PM
The first line is very good. The next two lines are awful. Never us 'though' in a poem. It's theatrical and steals sincerity from everything it touches. This reads like a children's picture book. The penultimate line has a good metaphor, the storm being drowned out by wine. But again it's to ostentatious. I never heard of the moon being referred to as a child. Please explain.
on A look inside [someone real} by Garrett S Sexton
28 Mar 2006, 6:10 PM
Well if the point of this so called poem is not to impress anyone this one succeeds. That little bio you give at the end(ABOUT THE ARTIST)is much closer to being poetry
ABOUT THE ARTIST
Jamie & Josh have split for good
though she clings.
He has slowly but gently
has pushed her away.
No kith nor kin, and a mind
not unlike a ten year old.
It was BIZARRE then that she dumped him.
He now, being a nice chap, had the perfect escape.
She had cancer young,
nearly died, so is clingy to Mum.
However,
Mum and 3 half sisters
(all by different dads)
treat her like Cinderella.
It's still a piece of crap but at least it flows better and is more interesting.
"It's still a good poem because it's real"
How the hell did you come up with this absurd notion? You don't have the first idea about poetry.
The first line about the pencil is good.
ABOUT THE ARTIST
Jamie & Josh have split for good
though she clings.
He has slowly but gently
has pushed her away.
No kith nor kin, and a mind
not unlike a ten year old.
It was BIZARRE then that she dumped him.
He now, being a nice chap, had the perfect escape.
She had cancer young,
nearly died, so is clingy to Mum.
However,
Mum and 3 half sisters
(all by different dads)
treat her like Cinderella.
It's still a piece of crap but at least it flows better and is more interesting.
"It's still a good poem because it's real"
How the hell did you come up with this absurd notion? You don't have the first idea about poetry.
The first line about the pencil is good.
replying on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina
22 Mar 2006, 10:49 PM
God is like a cat scratching at the bedroom window in the middle of the night forcing you to get up and let him in, because you assume that's the only way you'll ever get any rest. And then 5 minutes later he's begging to go back outside so you let him out knowing that if you don't he'll spray the brand new dress you bought and you won't notice it intil someone at the awards ceremony says 'What the hell is that god-awful smell'?! And then 30 minutes after you let the cat/god back out, just as you are beginning to fall into a deep sleep, he's scratching at the window again begging to be let in. So you let him in and you scream at him a little because otherwise you'd give him a swift sharp kick to the gut. He gives you this totally blank stare and you feel so guilty you take him to bed with you and he falls asleep curled up on your head sucking on the top of your left ear. of course you get absolutely no sleep, but the cat's happy.
replying on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina
22 Mar 2006, 10:33 PM
God is like a bicyle built for 2 hundred billion trillion people.
replying on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina
22 Mar 2006, 10:30 PM
God is like a song so highly pitched you can't hear it. After a time it makes you deaf, and then finally you can hear it.
replying on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina
22 Mar 2006, 10:26 PM
God is like a warm comfy bed that swallows you whole.
replying on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina
22 Mar 2006, 10:19 PM
God is like a dreamer dreaming he is dreaming a dream about dreaming.
replying on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina
22 Mar 2006, 10:16 PM
God is like a soap bubble. A really big soap bubble.
on Life Is Like A Rose by x0lovelylarnx0
22 Mar 2006, 10:08 PM
You already are something, you don't need to grow-up for that. Quite the contrary; most folks forget who they are when they enter the world of grownuppedness.
teen's parents hearts. Doesn't that sound awful to you?
Young teen's is redundant. If you mean what you write then that line is saying kids who are in the lower teens(13, 14) excluding the older teens(18,19). Is that what you meant to come across?
Don't preach in poetry. That too, is redundant.
Again at the end you say ...you alone have your own purpose. That statement logically concludes that no one else in the world has their own purpose, only whoever happens to be reading your poem.
Write what you mean. It's the first step. Read your writing carefully. The message in your poem is true enough, that's very good. But you should practice different ways of expressing things. 'Live life to the fullest' is not only cliche but, more relevantly, it's extremely vague. What gauge is used to measure how full or empty a life has been lived?
teen's parents hearts. Doesn't that sound awful to you?
Young teen's is redundant. If you mean what you write then that line is saying kids who are in the lower teens(13, 14) excluding the older teens(18,19). Is that what you meant to come across?
Don't preach in poetry. That too, is redundant.
Again at the end you say ...you alone have your own purpose. That statement logically concludes that no one else in the world has their own purpose, only whoever happens to be reading your poem.
Write what you mean. It's the first step. Read your writing carefully. The message in your poem is true enough, that's very good. But you should practice different ways of expressing things. 'Live life to the fullest' is not only cliche but, more relevantly, it's extremely vague. What gauge is used to measure how full or empty a life has been lived?
on Outside the Perfection, Into the Yellow by Sunny
22 Mar 2006, 9:17 PM
The ending kills this otherwise impressive poem. It's like watching two hours of a movie just to find in the end it was merely a dream, haha.
Is it the sun that winces or you?
There are some wonderful fresh images here, very original. Overall this poem is perfectly lovely.
Is it the sun that winces or you?
There are some wonderful fresh images here, very original. Overall this poem is perfectly lovely.
on Butterfly Belly, Orchid Face by Sunny
22 Mar 2006, 9:13 PM
I think you should drop the entire first tri-whateveryoucallit.
Like a pregnant women's.
That is love...
Drop sun at the end of stanza 3, or drop yellow.
In the 4th stanza, why is there a ; after cold? The next line reads like the beginning of a new thought. I can't see how it ties in with London's smog head cold.
It ends beautifully.
Like a pregnant women's.
That is love...
Drop sun at the end of stanza 3, or drop yellow.
In the 4th stanza, why is there a ; after cold? The next line reads like the beginning of a new thought. I can't see how it ties in with London's smog head cold.
It ends beautifully.