on Words by PawnedTidal
10 Sep 2002, 12:55 AM
Don't forget to fuck her one last time strictly out of spite. Then tell her what a piece of shit she is and through her out of the house. A golden opportunity my friend. Otherwise no poetry.
on My cousin's baby sitter. by Bachus
10 Sep 2002, 12:45 AM
"Filled her up just right" makes my skin crawl. (Please remind me again why I love you). Good job being creepy. The last stanza says it all.
on The Writing Life by poetandknowit
10 Sep 2002, 12:34 AM
Writers Block? Pesky neighbor. I bet you'd like to blow a hole through him large enought to accommodate a view.(or a small toddler).
replying on Russian Roulette by <~>
10 Sep 2002, 12:24 AM
You're making my brain hurt. Are you on drugs?
replying on Russian Roulette by <~>
10 Sep 2002, 12:15 AM
Plus, she says the kitchen is ruined, not destroyed. He pretty muched ruined the whole house wouldn'y you say? Regardless of the structual damage.
replying on Russian Roulette by <~>
10 Sep 2002, 12:07 AM
If you're asking me, no I don't think the kid could fit through it. There still remains the possibility that it isn't really all that large. I can see alot through a small opening. And if I'm caught in a surreal moment I can see everything. The kids never getting anywhere near that hole.
replying on Russian Roulette by <~>
9 Sep 2002, 11:54 PM
The hole represents to me, sort of the mundane mixed with the horror. She walks in, sees the guy her child takes after sprawle d out in his own blood and she notices Hey, I can see the kitchen from here. In my minds eye the kitchen is still normal and untouched. Like looking into a dollhouse. Keep it.
on untitled#3 by darby pyn
9 Sep 2002, 11:42 PM
Yes is my favorite word this evening. So yes. In my opinion this really starts working at "With one extended..." The first 4 and a half lines are some what overdone, dispite that, I like it.
on Russian Roulette by <~>
9 Sep 2002, 11:27 PM
Bravo sister. Keep sharpening your pencils. Solid 10s.
on Russian Roulette by <~>
9 Sep 2002, 11:18 PM
Yes absolutely yes! Try making the 1st stanza, which will now be the 2nd, present tense. Does that sound better to you?
on Russian Roulette by <~>
9 Sep 2002, 11:02 PM
4, 5, & 6 definitely. "The recoil sent you..." So good I closed my eyes. Yes. I also like the way she rides her moto without her helmet. Some R&R of her own. Whether you meant that way or not.
on Oaxaca city fragment by poetandknowit
9 Sep 2002, 10:51 PM
There is a strong contrast to your other poems. I like that effect. Although they too venture into the unseemly realities, this one is particulary dark. 40 words 13 of them harsh. I want to know more. Look to the left, look to the right. Walk down the street, enter. Plus you used my favorite word.
O.k. please explain to me how you made the judgement call on this thing. I know you have anonymity and everything but holy jeez, you should be embarassed. <beset us both on ...> Beset means to attack on all sides, to assail. As in we here at poemranker are beset with awful, dreadful, bad, yucky, smelly, stinky,stupid, poor excuses for poetry. WRITHING COMETS!!! WRITHING COMETS!!! Comets neither writh nor are infinite. How does a key unfold something?! It unlocks, it opens, it reveals. I know I'm being unduly harsh but I'm fed up. TORTURED STAKES?!?!
on BEAKBOY, A Tale Of Suffering by beakism
8 Sep 2002, 10:44 PM
Hurrah! Well written, well executed.
on Johnny Nasty by peotaster
8 Sep 2002, 9:43 AM
Why is it 98% of the submissions to this site contain no poetry. This is an observation written down in a purely unpoetic manner. WHERES THE FUCKING POETRY!!! There is more poetry in this homeless guys unwashed underwear then there is in your poorly chosen words.
on Mean Matt was so mean, when a homeless guy asked him for change he gave him a -blank- by beakism
8 Sep 2002, 9:29 AM
This is obviously a hate-filled flashlight. There is no light emitted from it, because hate has old used up batteries. Only love has the fresh new batteries needed to eluminate the world. Mean people, like Matt, get aggrevated because there flashlights don't work. They turn these hopeless flashlights, these "flashlights of hate" on their fellow man and beat them with it til they die. beakism, you are truly a philospher-poet.
on Instance of Twinning by Wulf
8 Sep 2002, 9:13 AM
I have read some of you other poems, but they hoonestly did not impress. This, on the other hand, is quite intreging. I like being made unconfortable by artists. this does the trick. The actual writing is awkward in several places. The 1st line of the 2nd stanza for example. I am particularly fond of the final stanza.
on [Untitled] by Sirena_Feroz
7 Sep 2002, 7:58 PM
A read this very slowly and carefully. I still don't understand it, I enjoyed it quite a bit. The sudden appearance and disappearance of the Dr. bothers me, but that's because I'm old, and I like structure.
on Perfect Love by snowing
6 Sep 2002, 10:10 PM
What makes this a poem? Please explain.
on Celebration by unknown
6 Sep 2002, 9:18 PM
Forget the last stanza it's totally useless. Everything contained within it is implied in the rest of the poem. How about "I kissed from your breasts" "the down of your thighs"