on some deleted poem
15 Jan 2005, 5:37 AM
Another white = perfection poem. The writing's not bad, but seriously give it a rest.
on some deleted poem
15 Jan 2005, 5:56 AM
Does anyone else think the weirdest thing about the Charlie Daniels song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" is the part that goes
Chicken's in the breadpan, picking out dough,
Granny does your dog bite? No, child, no
Chicken's in the breadpan, picking out dough,
Granny does your dog bite? No, child, no
on Below Zero by Shardik
15 Jan 2005, 5:56 AM
The last part saved it.
on Rendered Genderless by PsydewaysTears
17 Jan 2005, 5:41 AM
Can you write a rhyme without it being a total nonsequitor? I bet not. The best part was the ham bit.
on In The Beginning by Dovina
17 Jan 2005, 5:42 AM
I'm displeased to find you're back to your old self-righteousness. You were better when you didn't have all the answers. Kind of lovable, even, like a hamster.
on Rendered Genderless by PsydewaysTears
17 Jan 2005, 5:45 AM
PS-I was expecting to read a poem about being rendered genderless, which I've always imagined being able to do on some impermanent basis. Unless by "eat the ham" you mean something below my capacity for contemplation, this is not even close.
on some deleted poem
17 Jan 2005, 5:50 AM
Living in a non-English-speaking country, I've become fascinated recently by what constitutes English-speakers' ideas about alien sounds. In short, "zort" is good, but "zortrellon" is an fake Italian soft-porn director.
Incidentally, most alien languages on TV sound like Arabic, which (and this is true) was devised in order to communicate with camels. I mean that.
Incidentally, most alien languages on TV sound like Arabic, which (and this is true) was devised in order to communicate with camels. I mean that.
on American Semele (Edit) by Sasha
17 Jan 2005, 5:52 AM
This would have been better if it was "American Smell".
What is the American Smell? Bacon and shag carpet.
What is the American Smell? Bacon and shag carpet.
on some deleted poem
29 Jan 2005, 2:45 AM
"I will brake in to a million little pieces."
LOLTTM!
LOLTTM!
on some deleted poem
31 Jan 2005, 5:29 AM
Jesus Christ this is awful.
on some deleted poem
31 Jan 2005, 5:38 AM
Are you a caricature?
on Psalm of Wonder by Dovina
31 Jan 2005, 5:42 AM
I suppose whatever I say, you'll just say it works on an emotional level.
This poem does not work on an emotional level.
This poem does not work on an emotional level.
on Depth of Illusion by Beyond_Dreams
31 Jan 2005, 5:43 AM
The first two lines are plagiary.
on A Thing I Must Do by Dovina
1 Feb 2005, 9:56 PM
Do you consider yourself a feminist?
I say again, this isn't bad. But questionably feminist, if that.
I say again, this isn't bad. But questionably feminist, if that.
on My Heroes by MacFrantic
1 Feb 2005, 9:58 PM
Were your heroes cows? Yes, they have.
on A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere
1 Feb 2005, 10:00 PM
The apples took me by surprise. Don't know why.
on A Thing I Must Do by Dovina
2 Feb 2005, 10:03 PM
God, I can't risk having nentwined misplace my reply again. Who knows where it would end up this time - on Brittanyy's last post, probably.
Dovina, most feminists believe the sexes are different. Unequal, too, if you mean predisposed to different aptitudes and weaknesses which probably come out even if you can tally them all somehow and give things like petitpoint and soapopera-watching the same value as waging and winning wars and inventing aircrafts. You probably do; and I, with some qualifications, agree.
That's not the point. The point is this poem is about a woman performing nude in a male arena for a lone watching man and thinking that's liberation. It's not. It's strippers' logic. If you were really empowered, you'd keep your clothes on.
Dovina, most feminists believe the sexes are different. Unequal, too, if you mean predisposed to different aptitudes and weaknesses which probably come out even if you can tally them all somehow and give things like petitpoint and soapopera-watching the same value as waging and winning wars and inventing aircrafts. You probably do; and I, with some qualifications, agree.
That's not the point. The point is this poem is about a woman performing nude in a male arena for a lone watching man and thinking that's liberation. It's not. It's strippers' logic. If you were really empowered, you'd keep your clothes on.
2) Don't put a period after it either.
3) Then don't capitalise "Laid".
4) Correctly punctuate "Nature's".
5) On second thought, don't say that at all; and don't rhyme "tomb" and "womb".
6) That reminds me: Don't rhyme "fire" and "pyre".
7) Punctuate after Frost.
8) Don't punctuate after pressed.
9) What's up with all the periods in that stanza anyway? And couldn't you have made at least one of those a full clause?
10) "You haunt me in the omen of banshees" doesn't make any sense. You'll try to explain it now. Don't. It still doesn't.
That's your limit. Do you want more?