on some deleted poem
14 Jun 2004, 12:17 PM
It might tickle you to know that in Arabic Shin Shuu means "What path?"
- as famously represented in Surat 68 of the Quran: "The Day comes when the Shin shall be laid bare and the hypocrites shall be called to prostrate, but they shall not be able to do so; Their eyes will be cast down and ignominy will cover them."
- as famously represented in Surat 68 of the Quran: "The Day comes when the Shin shall be laid bare and the hypocrites shall be called to prostrate, but they shall not be able to do so; Their eyes will be cast down and ignominy will cover them."
on The Stickmen of Fools by embersandenvelopes
14 Jun 2004, 11:28 AM
Instead of bothering with such "layered", "multi-faceted" and "biting" "observations" on poemranker commenters, you'd do better to simply say we're all "hopeless gay introverts and onanists."
Just an idea!
Just an idea!
on some deleted poem
13 Jun 2004, 4:46 PM
You should change "There must be no other place" to "I have known no other place," or something such, as it's doubtful you've visited every place on earth. As it happens, the most peaceful place on earth is my own home town in North Carolina's Great Smoky Mountains. Observe:
http://tinyurl.com/2sxch
http://tinyurl.com/2knlp
http://tinyurl.com/2sxch
http://tinyurl.com/2knlp
on Of Absinthe and Asphalt by pain killer
12 Jun 2004, 8:50 PM
Maybe you'll consider not changing my name so often, as it requires all of thirty seconds of purposeless effort and the soiling of several dozen cheap one-ply johnnies.
on The Businessman by abcmonkey78
12 Jun 2004, 8:51 PM
If I were a carney, I'd say you were a precious fifteen and a rube to the max.
on 6/11/04 11:10-11:15 AM by Chasz Misleading
12 Jun 2004, 9:37 AM
I think you should change the title of this poem to "Stardate -319424.77".
And "I wrote this poem in only X minutes" is the buncombe dodge of an inveterate guffer.
And "I wrote this poem in only X minutes" is the buncombe dodge of an inveterate guffer.
on some deleted poem
12 Jun 2004, 10:15 AM
The first stanza is tremendously overwrought. Please, at least consider sticking a real verb in there somewhere. I liked the rest. Surprised?
on some deleted poem
12 Jun 2004, 10:17 AM
Does this kind of thing work? Please, let me know.
- Desperate in Al Kerak
- Desperate in Al Kerak
on some deleted poem
12 Jun 2004, 10:20 AM
"hole" should be "whole".
"drug" should be "dragged".
"someplace" isn't a real word, even in the magical topsy-turvy land of Poetry.
"drug" should be "dragged".
"someplace" isn't a real word, even in the magical topsy-turvy land of Poetry.
on First Kiss by david
12 Jun 2004, 10:22 AM
Did you cop the idea of false teeth sprouting flowers from 100 Years of Solitude?
on sweet surrender by francis nor capule
12 Jun 2004, 10:26 AM
If you re-post this an infinite number of times to be read by an infinite number of retards, do you suppose you'll eventually hit on a group that doesn't mind how your title's entirely copped from Sarah Maclachlan?
No, wait, I see now. You hadn't even thought of that song, you just happen to think that surrender is sweet. Bow'ls to you, francis. Bow'ls and bow'ls.
No, wait, I see now. You hadn't even thought of that song, you just happen to think that surrender is sweet. Bow'ls to you, francis. Bow'ls and bow'ls.
on some deleted poem
11 Jun 2004, 10:25 AM
Bisexual Pair of Ducks (Free verse) by Jaime El-Gran-Tronchador-Chingon-Hijueputa-Jon
The older
We get,
The more I realize
We're just a couple of ducks.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Quack quack quack
Quack quack
Quack quack quack,
Quack quack quack!
The older
We get,
The more I realize
We're just a couple of ducks.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Quack quack quack
Quack quack
Quack quack quack,
Quack quack quack!
on some deleted poem
9 Jun 2004, 5:33 PM
The first bit is really good and reminds me of Yeats or something. Then it falls apart into crap. Then the crap starts multiplying and increasing its horrible powers. SO -
- Don't ever ever write in a poem that "words can't describe" whatever the poem is about. It's a terribly stupid thing to do.
- "Discribe" is "describe," anyway.
- Why in God's name are you suddenly "itchin"? Why oh why would we want you to abruptly change the poem's voice to that of a backhills rustic? Don't do that! Don't even say "itching to"! It's a silly expression, utterly unpoetic, and if you do say it in real life, I'd highly recommend you stop. Thank you.
- That last stanza just fizzles out altogether. It reads like a second-grader's report on "How I spent my summer vacation." You know, the ones you had to write before you learned any tenses but the present indicative. To summarize: Start writing again from the end of the first stanza. Get it together, bud! This ain't the minor leagues any more.
- Don't ever ever write in a poem that "words can't describe" whatever the poem is about. It's a terribly stupid thing to do.
- "Discribe" is "describe," anyway.
- Why in God's name are you suddenly "itchin"? Why oh why would we want you to abruptly change the poem's voice to that of a backhills rustic? Don't do that! Don't even say "itching to"! It's a silly expression, utterly unpoetic, and if you do say it in real life, I'd highly recommend you stop. Thank you.
- That last stanza just fizzles out altogether. It reads like a second-grader's report on "How I spent my summer vacation." You know, the ones you had to write before you learned any tenses but the present indicative. To summarize: Start writing again from the end of the first stanza. Get it together, bud! This ain't the minor leagues any more.
on Desire by Chasz Misleading
9 Jun 2004, 5:45 PM
horus8 might have written this poem about being drilled by Dean Cain while on X at a fabulous Dave Geffen pool party.
on some deleted poem
8 Jun 2004, 7:10 AM
In all seriousness, you would do much better to make your next poem in the past tense.
on Isn't it a wonder by caitydee
8 Jun 2004, 7:16 AM
Could you please tell me how the Civil War has anything to do with Ronald Reagan? Thanks.
Cf. crystal lane swift.