replying on Jailbird by zodiac
22 Jan 2006, 9:50 PM
*I* wasn't really Inside. I was just shut in the office writing. My wife was pacing outside the door. I think at some point she decided to move all the furniture in the adjoining room. So I wrote a poem about her wanting me to die. That's how it works in Chez Zodiac: I ignore you sometimes, but I feel your pain while I do.
replying on May I Help by Dovina
20 Jan 2006, 4:43 PM
replying on Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) by ecargo
20 Jan 2006, 4:30 PM
You were taught free verse before rhymed/metered poetry? Really? I always thought I was taught rhymed/metered verse first because it's easier, you can talk about how a sonnet has 14 lines, iambs, trochees, all that jazz instead of sticky issues like theme or poems consisting of the word 'Poop' in the center of an unblemished piece of foolsclap.
replying on Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone
20 Jan 2006, 11:14 AM
I considered including a BEST BOSS REACTION category, too, but then I realized he stopped being a key figure in this poem early on. It's a shame. My personal favorite line is "Max Headroom, but black, and more spastic".
on Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone
20 Jan 2006, 10:14 AM
Just in time for Awards Season, it's
=====THE BEARDY AWARDS!!!!!1!!1?=====
Let's have a look at our contestants, shall we?
CATEGORY #1 - BEST BEARD MATERIAL
a) AIDS, zodiac
b) Zodiac's ginger chest boobs, Fraser Allonby, Q.C.
c) Meat, biteme
d) Cricket, Stephen Robbins
CATEGORY #2 - MOST AUTHENTIC NEGRO REACTION
a) "I los da die", Stephen or Fraser, I can't remember who
b) AIDS, zodiac
c) Not thinking it was funny, -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
d) Escape, Stephen Robbins
e) Lynching, AlChemy
CATEGORY #3 - MOST AUTHENTIC CHRIST REACTION
a) Turning white, zodiac
b) Smelling like a rich migrant Jew, edpeterson
c) AIDS, (tied) zodiac and biteme
d) Not thinking it was funny, -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
CATEGORY #4 - MOST TASTELESS OVERALL
a) "A money shot", -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
b) "Rope", AlChemy
c) "Paper", zodiac
d) "A virus", zodiac
CATEGORY #5 - BEST RHYME
a) Martyr/tartar, biteme
b) Virus/admirers/prioress, zodiac
c) Beard 'im/sheared 'im/weird quim, -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
d) Monopoly/unstoppably/Thermopalye, Stephen Robbins
CATEGORY #6 - BEST USE OF UNCONVENTIONAL RHYTHM IN A LIMERICK
a) "Monopoly", Stephen Robbins
b) "Crepe", Stephen Robbins
c) "Milk", Stephen Robbins
d) "A brogue", Stephen Robbins
CATEGORY #7 - BEST ENJAMBMENT IN A LIMERICK
a) "money / shot", -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
b) "material that's / ne'er been used", Fraser or Stephen
c) "a few / gems", edpeterson
d) "virus / known as AIDS", zodiac
Cast your votes! All tonight's winners' fathers will receive an authentic CHRIST BEARD* exactly one year before their own births! Yay!
(*=Beard material to be determined)
=====THE BEARDY AWARDS!!!!!1!!1?=====
Let's have a look at our contestants, shall we?
CATEGORY #1 - BEST BEARD MATERIAL
a) AIDS, zodiac
b) Zodiac's ginger chest boobs, Fraser Allonby, Q.C.
c) Meat, biteme
d) Cricket, Stephen Robbins
CATEGORY #2 - MOST AUTHENTIC NEGRO REACTION
a) "I los da die", Stephen or Fraser, I can't remember who
b) AIDS, zodiac
c) Not thinking it was funny, -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
d) Escape, Stephen Robbins
e) Lynching, AlChemy
CATEGORY #3 - MOST AUTHENTIC CHRIST REACTION
a) Turning white, zodiac
b) Smelling like a rich migrant Jew, edpeterson
c) AIDS, (tied) zodiac and biteme
d) Not thinking it was funny, -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
CATEGORY #4 - MOST TASTELESS OVERALL
a) "A money shot", -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
b) "Rope", AlChemy
c) "Paper", zodiac
d) "A virus", zodiac
CATEGORY #5 - BEST RHYME
a) Martyr/tartar, biteme
b) Virus/admirers/prioress, zodiac
c) Beard 'im/sheared 'im/weird quim, -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
d) Monopoly/unstoppably/Thermopalye, Stephen Robbins
CATEGORY #6 - BEST USE OF UNCONVENTIONAL RHYTHM IN A LIMERICK
a) "Monopoly", Stephen Robbins
b) "Crepe", Stephen Robbins
c) "Milk", Stephen Robbins
d) "A brogue", Stephen Robbins
CATEGORY #7 - BEST ENJAMBMENT IN A LIMERICK
a) "money / shot", -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
b) "material that's / ne'er been used", Fraser or Stephen
c) "a few / gems", edpeterson
d) "virus / known as AIDS", zodiac
Cast your votes! All tonight's winners' fathers will receive an authentic CHRIST BEARD* exactly one year before their own births! Yay!
(*=Beard material to be determined)
replying on Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone
20 Jan 2006, 8:34 AM
One time I tried bearding with tripe
From some kind of Vietnamese snipe,
But the snipe had a bird-flu
He wasn't innured to
(It was really a new AIDS prototype!)
From some kind of Vietnamese snipe,
But the snipe had a bird-flu
He wasn't innured to
(It was really a new AIDS prototype!)
replying on Everything is Nothing by Donne With Life
20 Jan 2006, 8:29 AM
Nice.
on Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone
19 Jan 2006, 11:47 PM
So I bearded Black Jesus with spasm-
-like ways of saying Yassuh and Yas'm.
Though you might think it cruel,
Why, I'll tell you, though, you'll
Hardly know, my good man, that he has 'em!
-like ways of saying Yassuh and Yas'm.
Though you might think it cruel,
Why, I'll tell you, though, you'll
Hardly know, my good man, that he has 'em!
replying on Cold-Blooded Pillow by drnick
19 Jan 2006, 11:16 PM
What are you talking about? The cans are all lined up in the cabinet! The hand towels are orderly! LAUUURAAAAAAA! LAUUUURAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!1!
on Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone
19 Jan 2006, 7:57 PM
I bearded that Christ with a wipe
Of the HIV-positive type,
But the wipe, it made raids
On his bum (being AIDS
With a passion for Negro-Christ pipe.)
So I bearded him once with a nappy
To cover his breasts (they were flappy.)
At least he looked cleaner,
But as for demeanor
We still couldn't tell if he was happy.
Of the HIV-positive type,
But the wipe, it made raids
On his bum (being AIDS
With a passion for Negro-Christ pipe.)
So I bearded him once with a nappy
To cover his breasts (they were flappy.)
At least he looked cleaner,
But as for demeanor
We still couldn't tell if he was happy.
replying on The Deep End by drnick
19 Jan 2006, 3:44 PM
replying on What is it about brothers? by Tara57
19 Jan 2006, 2:39 PM
I think it's the most poignant thing I've written lately.
on What is it about brothers? by Tara57
19 Jan 2006, 2:26 PM
After my little sister attempted suicide, a counselor told her it was all my brothers' and my fault. Now she lives with my mom and collects Middle America postcards with nothing written on them. I can't tell her anything, so I just send postcards.
on Heirophant by cyan9
19 Jan 2006, 2:24 PM
Femininity. Three 'i's. Otherwise, not bad.
on Three Skinheads by Caducus
19 Jan 2006, 2:24 PM
If I were, say, High Emperor of Poetry, I'd make a law forbidding the use of 'as' for linking clauses.
on Spinning, reeling by ecargo
19 Jan 2006, 2:22 PM
The people who care don't need more convincing.
on Spinning, reeling by ecargo
19 Jan 2006, 2:21 PM
The people who needed to know this already think you're nuts, on account of your hair and hanging around all day on a pastel-blue poetry site.
on Is Dying Ugly? by D. $ Fontera
19 Jan 2006, 2:19 PM
If you're drunk and horny, dying looks alright, I guess.
on Pain, I Curse Thee by woodstock20000
19 Jan 2006, 2:15 PM
I just saw Pain and, man, he's shaking in his boots.
on The Deep End by drnick
19 Jan 2006, 2:15 PM
It's generally not a good idea to give your poem the same name as a movie, good or bad, similar or not. Also, loose should be lose.