replying on Due Consideration by Dovina
3 Dec 2005, 5:57 AM
All math starts with assumptions. As far as what you're assuming - excuse me, taking as granted, I can only imagine it has something to do with assigning gender to reason, emotion, you being relieved, and/or math. In which case - or any case, for that matter - whatever.
replying on Due Consideration by Dovina
2 Dec 2005, 1:42 PM
Are you starting with the assumption that EMOTION = MALE is zero-value or one?
replying on Due Consideration by Dovina
2 Dec 2005, 1:29 PM
I thought you'd like that. You'll be relieved to know that before posting the aboveposted comment, I did the math, and it checks out.
replying on I'm walking thorough void by Prince of Void
2 Dec 2005, 1:27 PM
Did you miss the part where my wife lives in Alaska?
replying on Virtue and Sin by dooley
2 Dec 2005, 1:06 PM
No. I get whims.
replying on Silent Night by Dovina
2 Dec 2005, 1:02 PM
I disagree. Making fun of Thor (or, rather, saying things about Thor which aren't true according to Thor doctrine) is blasphemy.
on Virtue and Sin by dooley
1 Dec 2005, 9:40 AM
Nice.
Hi, welcome to poemranker. Some of these lines are really rather nice. You might just want to keep a few things in mind while writing the next ones (and hopefully you'll stick around and post more):
1. Try to make more sentences or phrases run through the end of the line. That is, don't make it so if you did punctuate you'd have a comma or period at the end of every line. In a poem like this, you could even keep the same rhymes and not have to invert your grammar.
2. Punctuate. There's no reason not to. If you don't know where, exactly, try writing out the whole thing as a paragraph and seeing where it needs a comma or period. Or just ask us to help.
3. Try to avoid rhyming love and above. Click on this link for a couple of reasons why: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
4. You might consider using some real details and images occasionally. Did you and your love go to Wal Mart? Why not include that? It'll be original AND true to your real-life love. And people will love it.
5. Vote and comment on other people's poems. It's the least you can do. And try not to get pissy if people call your work anything but perfect. We're all here to learn how to improve, right?
Um, that's about it. Hope you stay. Enjoy your time here.
zodiac
1. Try to make more sentences or phrases run through the end of the line. That is, don't make it so if you did punctuate you'd have a comma or period at the end of every line. In a poem like this, you could even keep the same rhymes and not have to invert your grammar.
2. Punctuate. There's no reason not to. If you don't know where, exactly, try writing out the whole thing as a paragraph and seeing where it needs a comma or period. Or just ask us to help.
3. Try to avoid rhyming love and above. Click on this link for a couple of reasons why: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
4. You might consider using some real details and images occasionally. Did you and your love go to Wal Mart? Why not include that? It'll be original AND true to your real-life love. And people will love it.
5. Vote and comment on other people's poems. It's the least you can do. And try not to get pissy if people call your work anything but perfect. We're all here to learn how to improve, right?
Um, that's about it. Hope you stay. Enjoy your time here.
zodiac
Nice.
"I offer no accord" is a useless line and probably just for rhyme's sake. Consider changing it to bored, board, gored, gourd, hoard, poured, roared, scored, sword, abhorred, aboard, adored, afford, award, explored, ignored, implored, reward, toward, unexplored, Honda Accord - preferably not one of the obvious ones.
Yes, I did almost let that slide because it's so wacky and stoned and reminds me of that scene in Boogie Nights where the Chinese boy's setting off fireworks and that guy in his briefs keeps waving that gun around. But you can do better.
"I offer no accord" is a useless line and probably just for rhyme's sake. Consider changing it to bored, board, gored, gourd, hoard, poured, roared, scored, sword, abhorred, aboard, adored, afford, award, explored, ignored, implored, reward, toward, unexplored, Honda Accord - preferably not one of the obvious ones.
Yes, I did almost let that slide because it's so wacky and stoned and reminds me of that scene in Boogie Nights where the Chinese boy's setting off fireworks and that guy in his briefs keeps waving that gun around. But you can do better.
on I'm walking thorough void by Prince of Void
1 Dec 2005, 9:18 AM
Are you aware that for most people the verb "void" means "to piss or crap until empty", as in "I was so scared I voided my bladder"?
As a poem, not as good as your best, "The regrets made me voids"
As a poem, not as good as your best, "The regrets made me voids"
This is the exact plot of Douglas Adams' "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe" minus such wackiness as when Arthur tries to get a bag of Scrabble letters to randomly spell The Ultimate Question and they spell "What do you get when you multiply six by nine".
In other words, not unclever, but cleverer the first time.
In other words, not unclever, but cleverer the first time.
replying on Picking Up Sins by BrandonW
1 Dec 2005, 8:39 AM
Flamboyantly is the only dignified way of referring to one's penis.
replying on Silent Night by Dovina
1 Dec 2005, 8:36 AM
Yeah, I made up all those insults, so I guess I should know.
If it was me, I'm sorry.
If it was me, I'm sorry.
replying on Silent Night by Dovina
1 Dec 2005, 8:35 AM
I'm quoting my own imaginary detractors. As usual.
replying on Silent Night by Dovina
1 Dec 2005, 8:34 AM
Yes. Even being (once again, somehow,) a special ed worker, I've never gone for the idea that disabilities tend to come with compensating abilities. Dyslexia is the one consistent example I can think of. Being able to easily make and see homophones and half-rhymes probably means you're not a naturally solid reader/sight-learner and your sense of the sounds of words is therefore stronger.
replying on Silent Night by Dovina
1 Dec 2005, 8:30 AM
I've mistakenly called you offended when you're clearly just objecting purposelessly. I'm truly sorry.
DOVINA: "I'm trying to say that I don't think it's blasphemy."
DOVINA: "I'm trying to say that I don't think it's blasphemy."
on The copper man and Labrador by Caducus
30 Nov 2005, 1:24 AM
You're missing apostrophes throughout. "vagrant's" for one, and "let's". I'm stuck on him wearing Versace. Maybe make it clear he's wearing handmedowns? Clearer than "shadows", I mean. In all, one of your better.