Jeff Bridges is the greatest actor alive because of his distinctive beard. Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, also only became respectable once they got beards. Moral of the story: Beard thyself. Hirsutamus papaliter.

This and your Indian post kind of confirm my idea that people with dyslexia tend to have better-developed rhythmic and auditory senses than the rest of us. I knew a dyslexic poet on another site who could hardly follow a normal paragraph of text but had the most amazing and genius sprung rhythm I've ever seen.

Almost. But then you have to think, people at that time didn't really write like that, did they? People in this airy New-Agey time do. Hmmmm.

It was a dis. Top five biggest zodiac disses:

1. Your stupid.
2. Your Arab.
3. Your pants are down and you don't know it.
4. Meat-hat.
5. People don't want to sleep with you.

By my rules, the aboveposted is a two-fer.

That's ridiculous. I've never heard anything like that. That woman was probably tortured into saying so.

Of course he does. He has everything. The real question is whether he also has a serious sensitive side, and how that works out.

Sure it makes sense. It's just not clever.

You mean for people to associate your poem with a popular song about God. Your version is about a non-virgin Mary doing a Heavenly Dick. Now you're offended if someone says you're off-doctrine? Whatever.

The third and fourth are "John Dickup" and "Joan Bigdyke".

The second is that in two years of claiming to be John Updike on poemranker, only about three users have known he's a real person.

The best thing about John Updike is the Krusty the Klown line, "Shut up, Updike." My wife tells me that's her new SMS ring.

Isn't he still alive?

Correction: 50%.

Well, you have to know that I wrote 90% of "Beard My Homemade Negro Jesus", the most epic poem on poemranker ever.

Your comment got lost in the rankersphere. Sorry.

I haven't been accused of being -=Dark_Angel=-, mostly because everybody who cares knows he's given me more hell than anybody else, except maybe -=Dark_Angel=-part2. I have been accused on poemranker of being a "suck-egg dog", a "dolly-mop", and "a hopeless Gay introvert," but the worst was when Dovina accused me of having expectations.

Not bad. Billy Collins isn't awful, but didn't deserve to be US Poet Laureate. I imagine some educated people made a big list of poets who hadn't criticized the war yet, and W just picked the one from Texas.