on Why I’m Homeless by Dovina
5 Oct 2005, 1:58 AM
Drop the colons. Great.
on Escape by Heather Dee
5 Oct 2005, 1:56 AM
If I may make a suggestion, try rewriting this poem avoiding any rhymes you've ever heard, ever, in any poem or song. Ever. This would mean skipping go and know, pain and gain, find and mind, and probably eyes and ties, to say the least. Finding new rhymes will also help you to avoid those unfortunate cliches (since there's only so many places to lay your weary head, and that's your bed, for example.) In other words, if instead of saying "Take a moment to close your eyes" you said, oh, "take a moment to flex your sphincter" and then made it rhyme, you'd be bound to say something original, and therefore a hundred times more interesting than what you have. That's all. Great try, but please take my advice seriously. I know the tone of this comment is a little sarcastic, but that's only because I live in the middle of a great ugly desert without access to conventional forms of entertainment. I mean it. You can't write anything good while using cliche rhymes.
replying on I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil
5 Oct 2005, 1:49 AM
Is your friend gay? Who actually criticizes poetry for not rhyming enough?
replying on Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus
5 Oct 2005, 1:47 AM
You're so full of balls. Are you aware of how much you're making this shit up? I am.
PS-For bonus points (or at least a shot at redemption), name an American holiday with "female soul".
PS-For bonus points (or at least a shot at redemption), name an American holiday with "female soul".
replying on Without my Glasses by Niphredil
5 Oct 2005, 1:44 AM
I speak fluent Arabic jive. It throws off my enemies, giving me time to throw a handful of sand in their eyes and disappear.
Also, I live in the safe part of the Middle East, (the only Middle Eastern country without a major attack against tourists this year! 2100 Safe Days and counting! Woo-hoo,) the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan. Also, I'm serious about speaking Arabic jive.
Also, I live in the safe part of the Middle East, (the only Middle Eastern country without a major attack against tourists this year! 2100 Safe Days and counting! Woo-hoo,) the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan. Also, I'm serious about speaking Arabic jive.
replying on Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus
3 Oct 2005, 7:42 AM
Really? You should. Starve yourself all day, then sit down with the neighbors to a big platter of goat smothered in goat yoghurt at sunset. Round noonish everything has to stop because everyone's low-blood-sugared and fighting in the streets. It's a beautiful time. A family time. Do you know the US Army actually slows or entirely stops its attacks and bombings at Ramadan, out of respect for the fasting-crazed, weakened and moody populace? I find that simply wonderful.
replying on Without my Glasses by Niphredil
3 Oct 2005, 7:38 AM
What a bind you've got me in! How do I prove I actually do live in the mideast without coming off like a hopeless wanna-be introvert? Oh, no, wait. I don't give a fuck. "Put on his glasses! He was gonna be an acrobat" is the best thing posted on this site in weeks. Its astonishing interworking parts ought to be dissected and studied.
replying on Without my Glasses by Niphredil
3 Oct 2005, 4:32 AM
I'm also an English major from Cold Mountain, NC, currently living in the Great Arab Armpit.
replying on Without my Glasses by Niphredil
3 Oct 2005, 4:31 AM
I'm the undiscovered corpse of Qusai Hussein, a.k.a. 'The Cultured Hussein', a.k.a. 'Little Torturepants', a.k.a. 'Bunny'.
replying on Without my Glasses by Niphredil
3 Oct 2005, 4:28 AM
It's the movie My Girl, starring Macaulay Culkin. 10 points if you knew that.
replying on Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus
3 Oct 2005, 4:28 AM
If I've said this once I've said it a quadrillion times: That's because language in California has evolved to the point that normal speech is considered poetic. Hence its reams and reams of godawful poetry.
No, seriously. Happy Ramadan as of sunset tomorrow.
No, seriously. Happy Ramadan as of sunset tomorrow.
replying on A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu
3 Oct 2005, 4:25 AM
Great. I just powervomited gatayyef. Happy Ramadamadan.
PS-Your first sentence is my exact description of your poetry. Check and mate.
PS-Your first sentence is my exact description of your poetry. Check and mate.
replying on A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu
1 Oct 2005, 7:09 AM
PS-Brilliant.
on A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu
1 Oct 2005, 7:07 AM
I never understand anything you write about.
on What do u think i am! by T. Jonathron Remp
1 Oct 2005, 7:05 AM
The best part was "encampuslate". Have you ever read anything, ever?
replying on Without my Glasses by Niphredil
1 Oct 2005, 7:04 AM
on Without my Glasses by Niphredil
1 Oct 2005, 6:52 AM
VADA
His face hurts, and where is his glasses? He can't see without his glasses! Put his glasses on!
(Harry and Shelly are rapidly approaching Vada, Shelly takes hold of her and tries to pull her away)
Put on his glasses! He was gonna be an acrobat.
HARRY
He's gone sweetheart. He's gone!
VADA
Get away, get away!!
His face hurts, and where is his glasses? He can't see without his glasses! Put his glasses on!
(Harry and Shelly are rapidly approaching Vada, Shelly takes hold of her and tries to pull her away)
Put on his glasses! He was gonna be an acrobat.
HARRY
He's gone sweetheart. He's gone!
VADA
Get away, get away!!
replying on Of the Lady on the Bridge by Verse2Verse
1 Oct 2005, 6:40 AM
Really? Are you saying you're REALLY "a lady I always see on the same bridge... She just peers off into the waters... homeless or just listless"? Or should I have made a clearer exception in my hat offer for people who think they're living in undergrad fiction-writing writing?
replying on How Angels Smell by Dovina
1 Oct 2005, 6:38 AM
I've hardly ever made suggestions on your poems, except perhaps the suggestion that you 'stop writing incoherent drivel.' If you're suggesting you would remove your poems more into drivel if you stopped writing incoherent drivel, I'd like to see you try. If you mean you'll remove them more into drivel by adopting one of my many OBSERVATIONS, what the hell ever. Yours forever,
zodiac
zodiac
replying on The regrets made me voids by Prince of Void
30 Sep 2005, 5:26 AM
ADDENDUM: It turns out that if you actually select "Roguefort" it directs you to a page about ordinary Roquefort. I'd had an image of an especially roguish blue-veined cheese not unlike a cheese version of ultragay British actor Ian McKellen which has, thankfully, been punctured. Not unlike ultragay British actor Ian McKellen.