on some deleted poem
10 Nov 2004, 7:53 PM
what a coincidence! she is my soul too!
on Walk in a dream (an ode to self help poems) by Bachus
10 Nov 2004, 7:46 PM
smut
on A Spring bird in November (Edit) by Sasha
10 Nov 2004, 9:01 AM
i have to agree with Jimmy Z on this one, though I doubt i would have noticed myself, otherwise.
What you have is really good.
What you have is really good.
on some deleted poem
10 Nov 2004, 3:24 PM
Donât smoke, donât drink,
Donât lie, and donât think,
I couldnât tell,
Last night, by the smell,
Of your voice.
this stanza isreally good. way too many commas, though.
Donât smoke, donât drink,
Donât lie and donât think
I couldnât tell,
Last night, by the smell
Of your voice.
This would make more sense to me, the way i read it.
the rest, well...
"I am surprised and stunned by your care,
Thanks so much for teaching me not to swear."
I cannot believe you wrote this and said...yah..that's good. sounds right. awful. It would at least have been kinda funny if you had said, "not to fucking swear"
the repeating stanza redeems this somewhat. There may be hope for you yet.
Donât lie, and donât think,
I couldnât tell,
Last night, by the smell,
Of your voice.
this stanza isreally good. way too many commas, though.
Donât smoke, donât drink,
Donât lie and donât think
I couldnât tell,
Last night, by the smell
Of your voice.
This would make more sense to me, the way i read it.
the rest, well...
"I am surprised and stunned by your care,
Thanks so much for teaching me not to swear."
I cannot believe you wrote this and said...yah..that's good. sounds right. awful. It would at least have been kinda funny if you had said, "not to fucking swear"
the repeating stanza redeems this somewhat. There may be hope for you yet.
on some deleted poem
10 Nov 2004, 3:51 PM
quick, take the ice out of the refrigerator! It is leaking all over the weenies!
on some deleted poem
18 Nov 2004, 4:43 PM
a literary triumph
on some deleted poem
22 Feb 2005, 7:05 PM
this stillis one of the best poems i have ever read.
the whole metaphor is a bit silly, and that is good.
and that rhyme at the end is funny, heart to choke
never to bloom artichoke. I like artichoke hearts in a nice oily pasta salad, virgin and salami, some garden fresh cherry tomatoes and buffalo mozzarella, fresh of course.
and that rhyme at the end is funny, heart to choke
never to bloom artichoke. I like artichoke hearts in a nice oily pasta salad, virgin and salami, some garden fresh cherry tomatoes and buffalo mozzarella, fresh of course.
on Getting Pumped Up to Get Laid by PodPoet
22 Feb 2005, 7:07 AM
what?????
on some deleted poem
22 Feb 2005, 7:19 AM
Fucking hilarious. Hits so close to home. 10
on Hunter Thompson, In The Off Beat Chance Of Cunnilingus by horus8
22 Feb 2005, 7:17 AM
not too carefully, I hope, or that 300 dismissal lingers, smoking a camel, right around the corner!
I wonder about the words "venerated" and "fiasco", and whether you might not find something that crystalizes what you mean there a bit better.
This was an absolute delight to read. It purred down the screen, finely oiled, smelling vaguely of Big Mac droppings and fat cubans.
Your hair was dark and short. Nice touch. Just excellent writing and a 10
When are you due back to AP? Are you even coming back? I hope so. Things have grown a bit dull in your absence, and in the void you left, I am being attacked by all the illiterate teeny boppers, "U R an Ass. Do you get off mAkIng fun of kids with ADD?" etc etc etc...Also, I have some problems with the sound on my PC, so can't listen to the music you send me. Shame that. Trying to remedy
I wonder about the words "venerated" and "fiasco", and whether you might not find something that crystalizes what you mean there a bit better.
This was an absolute delight to read. It purred down the screen, finely oiled, smelling vaguely of Big Mac droppings and fat cubans.
Your hair was dark and short. Nice touch. Just excellent writing and a 10
When are you due back to AP? Are you even coming back? I hope so. Things have grown a bit dull in your absence, and in the void you left, I am being attacked by all the illiterate teeny boppers, "U R an Ass. Do you get off mAkIng fun of kids with ADD?" etc etc etc...Also, I have some problems with the sound on my PC, so can't listen to the music you send me. Shame that. Trying to remedy
on The Plane of War by MacFrantic
22 Feb 2005, 8:06 AM
and the wormy piles of colons strewn across the land
glistened
like thin wet rats
and nobody listened.
the side of the bus read "fuck off" and so i did,
and spilled my drippings
on the bloody red madness of the day
in a skirt
glistened
like thin wet rats
and nobody listened.
the side of the bus read "fuck off" and so i did,
and spilled my drippings
on the bloody red madness of the day
in a skirt
on Pennies by woodstock20000
22 Feb 2005, 6:47 PM
Do you really want that many periods in the last 5 lines?
I kind of like it, against my will.
I kind of like it, against my will.
on Getting Pumped Up to Get Laid by PodPoet
23 Feb 2005, 7:46 AM
what sin!
on The Mushrooms' Song by zodiac
22 Feb 2005, 7:55 PM
Revisiting this, I have to say I think it is brilliant. That last stanza is quite surprising and reveals a lot..,the way the cat is sucked in, in a comparatively short instant...the mushrooms growing at a completetly negligible pace. And it feels so dank.
Anyway, I love it.
Anyway, I love it.
on Jack and Jill by Dovina
22 Feb 2005, 8:04 PM
Quickly! Spit spot!