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clay or mud (hertz donut version) (Free verse) by nentwined is it clay, he asks,
or mud,
when his rhyming's not so good;
is there fiber in its being,
a structure to grow the words to meaning?
or is it yet another failure
that he yet pours effort ...
Up the ladder:
Armageddon (I Am Mr. America)
Down the ladder:
An art undone
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.7777777
Posted: May 6, 2004 11:51 AM PDT; Last modified: May 6, 2004 11:51 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.388889 Overall Rank: 797 Comments:
[9]
deleted user @ 68.66.196.168
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6-May-04/12:07 PM
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Reply
Funny how words can grow to meaning as I tinker with them, clay or mud. A new thing pops out of the mix sometimes. Good
A. Where is the other version? Searched. Came up penniless.
B. Are you regressing to high school with the donut thing. Good but not quite you, this time.
No other version as of yet. Yes, it is a regression. The thought is if I like the thought better, I will do a less regressed version of it. It was a ditty that came up while discussion some things with Aetius.
very well, then.
"yet" can go.
Lots of twothree letter words in here... this could be very much distilled and made stronger, imho.
An unfinished piece---
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