DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Let your heart roam free

Member since 2004 · Posted 2 Sep 2004 · 4 comments

A paradox of possibility lies before your soul An openness of the heart that trusts in something more A constant search for the perfect reflection that you desperately desire The need alone burns within you like a fire within a fire Allow your soul to roam the fields and smell the many scents For pain you hide within your heart is pain that's never spent It will accumulate deep inside and that time is lost for good Allow your heart to be alive and to feel the love it should

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mean 7.29 weighted 5.61 rank 2252 views 162 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

4 comments

[n/a] Leah11 2-Sep-04/8:42 AM Reply

hope this is a prose poem as I'm green my friends so don't laugh at me if I'm completely wrong.
xxx

[6] Sasha › Leah11 3-Sep-04/2:54 PM Reply

Definitely completely wrong. Prose doesen't have linebreaks.

Now critique:

You begin with two generalities copulating in alliteration rather rudely right infront of the reader's face: "paradox of possibility." The beginning of this poem might be improved all round by some concrete imagery, instead of bland and bald description. Show, don't tell. As a matter of fact, the whole poem does little showing and a lot of telling.

The meter however is a good one. Just don't shoehorn big words into it for the sole purpose of filling in the syllables.

[8] klosterfobik 2-Sep-04/7:33 PM Reply

Like the feel and honesty - structure could be better.
-8.5-

[9] sliver 4-Sep-04/11:19 AM Reply

Good message, it seems to flow well. How's life in Australia? I've always wanted to go.