James The Dashing Pirate

Member since 2003 · Posted 31 Jan 2005 · Edited 31 Jan 2005 · 11 comments

Yeah they call him the one night casanova. He gets the girl and has her falling over. Heads become heels, and his heels become gold. He's comic and witty, with baby blues and great hair. Daringly devoted, to making a smile cross your lips. He is simple and unique, relentlessly cunning. He is an epic packed into a coloring book. Rated R for language and explicit content. An arrogant aside, beautifully stunning. With a razor tongue, and a smooth voice. Champagne for the price of beer, yeah thats you. My breathing shadow, your living reflection. My depth, your perceptions. Your as large as life, written to be. Not so much short as say, not long. A simple melody, catchy and quick. Confident and Great. James The Dashing Pirate.

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mean 7.00 weighted 6.96 rank 131 views 368 View voting details →

21 votes so far. Yours would make 22.21 votes so far

11 comments

[9] SupremeDreamer 31-Jan-05/6:39 PM Reply

Rated R for language and explicit content.
An arrogant aside, beautifully stunning.
&
Your as large as life, written to be.

I'd rewrite that to:

Rated R for language and explicit content-- (or ;)
arrogance aside, absolutely stunning.

&

You're larger than life, written to be.

Beautifully stunning is just redundant, and it's always good to clarify the use of a contraction ole comrade.

That said, have a hearty nine.

[n/a] Luzr › SupremeDreamer 1-Feb-05/12:39 AM Reply

Nah, You'd have to know James to understand.

<3 Jason

[9] Goad 1-Feb-05/5:16 AM Reply

This is excellent.

Ending every stanza with a period hurts it. You didn't edit or work on it after writing it, did you? A little effort could tighten up the rhyming scheme. And fix "your" => you're. (this constantly slips through my fingers too, it drives me nuts)

[10] deleted user 1-Feb-05/9:48 PM Reply

This is the most perfect discription of my life I have ever read.
Wow.

[n/a] fevriere 2-Feb-05/8:37 AM Reply

The first two lines were a hook for rhyme-loving girls like self. What are golden heels about? I do like it, even the gentle shortening of the line lengths is very effective but I can't help thinking if you played around with it more, it might flow - moments like reflection/perception don't seem to be exceptions but more highlights.

What do you think; do you want it to rhyme?
No vote yet because I don't believe it's finished.

[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › fevriere 8-Feb-05/2:01 PM Reply

Rhyming it would steal from it content, and as you said, its all about the subtle highlights. The first line is just that. A hook.

The golden heels. A lot is ment by that.
A) Head/heels, a play on the classic head over heels.
B) Heads become heels and his heels become gold. Two key words. Head, Gold. (He is a blond)
C) Gold is something that is coveted. James is coveted.
D) Lets not reveal all the mystery shall we?

Later Daze

<3 Jason

[6] burgerking33 8-Mar-05/3:21 PM Reply

brought a tear to my eye and was very inspirational. well done, you're amazing. well written. a beautiful poem. I'll give you a 6, because i still think you need a little bit of work. you're on the right track!
good.

[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › burgerking33 8-Mar-05/8:54 PM Reply

You rate me a 6? On the right track? Look at the list of things I have written compared to you. In fact look at my first poem, a lyric called Idiot Box. Until your poems are at least of that caliber(Which isn't that high really) I'd prefer you never rate my words again.

<3 Jason

[0] Stephen Robins 31-Mar-05/3:14 AM Reply

Name me one person called Jason who is not a collossal cockwound.

[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › Stephen Robins 31-Mar-05/2:16 PM Reply

Name for me one person named Stephen(The other Steven) whom can claim that they've ever kissed more than 3 girls who weren't related to them.

[3] Engelbert Humpalot 3-Nov-06/5:15 AM Reply

Puerile.