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pull (Free verse) by skaskowski where have all the voices gone?
why cant i reach out to her?
where has
all the laughter gone?
where did she pull passion from?
i dont know why,
but i am empty
my tears are dry
my heart is broken
if she had spoken
maybe i
could miss her now
could feel her now
where have all the
glances gone?
why cant i pull her to me?
where have all our whispers
gone?
where did i pull frailty from?
i dont know why, but i am
searching
my hand is alone
my arms are empty
if i had spoken
maybe she
would miss me now
would feel me now...
Up the ladder:
Pilgrim
Down the ladder:
Glass
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.535714
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:14 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:14 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.5343895 Overall Rank: 2624 Comments:
[0]...
anonymous @
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2-Jul-01/1:08 AM
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Reply
like the title, but the theme is stale, and there is nothing really unique here to revive it.
a sweet sentiment, but I felt the execution lacking. the rhythm is too sing-songy for me.
Wow.
hhmmm...personally, this poem sounds straight out of junior high. no offense ment, i can tell there is some hurt behind it, and regret, but hurt and regret do not write poems. your reaction to them do. try to step into yourself, stop asking questions, it makes me feel like you've lost the rhythm of the poem, and when you open with them, it throws everything off joint. is this a poem or a lyric? it's hard to tell. maybe try something like this for S1:
i wonder where the voices go, in the depths of her shadow, hiding the laughter, pulling the passion. and for S3: she is pulling out the passion, the glances, where is my pull? she reminds me of soft whispers, ours. i have reeled in frailty. i would also try some punctuation at the ends of the lines, they seem to be missing something as it is. your poem has some good potential, keep writing!
Perhaps you pulled frality from a satisfactory!
very evocative.
i enjoy your writing, and the simple ones too. you have impeccable taste. with a well rounded structue. pregnant yet starving.......i ring my bell for another! another, and another i am a poet you are a writer. we are both readers...yes we read...i need to read..you write well..your beak is a fine ceramic your hoof is sure footed...write to live!??
The poem is good. Reading it just made me wanna cry. It hits home for many people
ouch! that one hurts...
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