poemranker ::Broken Bird by Sisterwolf

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Other № 135658

Broken Bird

by Sisterwolf

Member since 2005 · Posted 23 Dec 2005 · 11 comments

Broken bird with tattered wings, what a bittersweet song she sings. Her eyes dart here, then there, as she watches for his empty stare. No longer does this lovely bird fly, she no longer wants the open sky. He took her soul and wrung it out, filling her with dread and doubt. The face she sees in the mirror is etched with sorrow, pale with fear. He taught she is ugly, unworthy, dumb. Now her feelings of worth are numb. Will she ever fly again, this battered bird, or are her wings forever tattered. She hides, never raising her pretty eyes, as every day another part of her dies.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 4.20 weighted 4.90 rank 9827 views 208 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

11 comments

[8] Dovina 23-Dec-05/3:07 PM Reply
Somehoiw the "lovely bird" in line 5 seems inconsistent with the image built up of a put-down, tattered-wing bird with a low self image. Maybe "once-lovely." But it's a good poem, and welcome to poemranker.
[5] Dan garcia-Black 25-Dec-05/1:42 PM Reply
"He taught she is ugly, unworthy, dumb.
Now her feelings of worth are numb." sad
[0] nentwined 26-Dec-05/5:52 PM Reply
good pustule of a pimple.
[0] nentwined › nentwined 26-Dec-05/6:09 PM Reply
If you really want more detail, a) read the definition of a pimple poem; b) the rhyme scheme is hackneyed, nearly impossible to do well; c) the rhythm is off just about everywhere; d) your english is broken ("he taught she is ugly"?) e) you twist the word order to fit the rhymes you want

Most of us have written stuff this bad. It's okay. You cannot improve this poem. Put it behind you and move on.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › nentwined 26-Dec-05/7:57 PM Reply
You like her. I can tell.
[n/a] Sisterwolf › INTRANSIT 26-Dec-05/8:09 PM Reply
Your wit is delightful. I imagine he likes me as much as he likes
tooth pain, but that is okay. I am so sorry to cause such a ruckus. I am 60 year-old and disabled from domestic abuse - I am sensitive and this kind of critiquing is not the place for me.
I am posting one last one.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › Sisterwolf 26-Dec-05/8:12 PM Reply
Perhaps you should get in touch with your inner wolf, sister.
[n/a] crazyknight › INTRANSIT 26-Dec-05/8:59 PM Reply
since this poem is about u and your deep fears its beautiful. fly little bird, fear not. everything in life is experience, not even death can destroy us.
[8] Dovina › Sisterwolf 26-Dec-05/9:19 PM Reply
Yes, a comment like this is blood in the shark-infested water. But blood in the snow is get-even time for wolves, sister. We're all sensitive, that's why we write. Look for the usable hamburger bun in the trash heap, the skidmarked Kalvin Klines in the dumpster. and damn the estupidos.
[n/a] Sisterwolf › Dovina 26-Dec-05/9:28 PM Reply
The irony of it all is that I don't think it is a very good poem!
Thankfully for my ego I was just told I am one of the people in the vote for POTM at my favorite site. I shall wrap myself in the blood-soaked garment and chew it for its nourishment.
[8] Dovina › Sisterwolf 26-Dec-05/10:04 PM Reply
Please don't misunderstand. I don't care about your credentials or votes on POTM at some other site or your education or even your breeding stock. Your recently posted poem "ennui" is provocative and good in my opinion. What you must realize is that the comments here may not tell you that. They could just as likely predict the return of Christ. So you can either enter that discussion or ignore it and just consider comments about your poem and the votes. It's a baby-and-bathwater kind of thing.