poemranker ::Happy 40th Anniversary by Dovina

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 138878

Happy 40th Anniversary

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 13 Feb 2006 · 19 comments

Of what fabric are wishes made? I've sneered a thousand times while candles burn and lips blow smoke birthdays and anniversaries pass the pacts we make to start a thing for better or worse til death brings an end forty nights in the wilderness forty years married then when you’ve come so far and the worst and death refrain isn’t it good to say we’ve come a long way

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 7.22 weighted 6.11 rank 1113 views 342 View voting details →

9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

19 comments

[8] drnick 13-Feb-06/9:11 PM Reply
I'd like to think so, but it seems as though you think otherwise. I like lines 1-3 and 10-13. nice.
[n/a] Dovina › drnick 14-Feb-06/10:29 AM Reply
Ambiguity is good for the guts - a proverb of Dovina. Let be written on stone.
[8] ALChemy 13-Feb-06/9:42 PM Reply
Nice sentiment.
[9] Ranger 14-Feb-06/2:21 AM Reply
'Of what fabric are wishes made?' - perfect.
[8] ALChemy 14-Feb-06/3:55 AM Reply
Second graders continue to use their creative and critical thinking skills during their time in ZOOM Class on Monday/Tuesday. One of the unique thinking strategies that is introduced is called SCAMPER, (Substitute, Combine, Add, Multiply, Minify, Magnify, Put to other uses, Eliminate, and Rearrange). This concept helps people of any age to think up new ways to present an idea or to solve a problem. Word choice, organization, sentence fluency, voice, and presentation styles are key components in all of the children's language arts projects. Creative stories are written in the unique pattern used by author Laura Numeroff! The children share their special places for fun, friends, relaxation, and reflection in pictures and three-liner poetry. The children also learn more about economics through the Junior Achievement program, "Our Community".
[8] ALChemy › ALChemy 14-Feb-06/3:59 AM Reply
The sound of a rainbow is soft, happy music.
The sound of infinity is the wind.
The sound of a shadow is a horn.
The sound of silence is total quiet or extreme loudness.
The sound of winter snow is a soft wind blowing.
The taste of happiness is no sins inside of you.
The taste of a promise is a piece of cooked steak that holds the inside parts together.
The taste of candlelight is jalapeno peppers.
The taste of twilight is toothpaste.
The texture of sadness is smooth tears coming out of your eyes.
The texture of memories can be rough or smooth.
The texture of fear is bumpy.
The structure of comfort is built with pillows.
The structure of loneliness is an empty shell.
The vision of warmth is sunlight.
The fabric of wishes is soft and cuddly.
The flavor of laughter is sweet and bold.
The musical chord of a mistake is "Bummm, bum, bum, bum.".
The colors of caring are blue, yellow, orange, red, pink and purple.
The weight of commitment can be either light or heavy.
The apparel of fog is a sweatshirt.
The cost of an emotion can be happiness.

From http://www.gesu.com/Classrooms/ZOOM/abc_class.htm

We still don't know what wishes are made from but it's soft and cuddly.
[9] Ranger › ALChemy 14-Feb-06/10:17 AM Reply
Glorious!
[n/a] Dovina › ALChemy 14-Feb-06/10:26 AM Reply
I am persecuted by a cruel society that has removed me from Second Grade.
[8] ALChemy › Dovina 14-Feb-06/10:38 AM Reply
I thought it was a great line. I just wanted to give you some kind of answer. What I found I think is quite amazing.
[n/a] Dovina › ALChemy 14-Feb-06/4:40 PM Reply
If second graders really thought up those lines and were not prompted some teacher, then they, not me, have the fabric of wishes.
[8] ALChemy › Dovina 15-Feb-06/5:49 AM Reply
I think the site explains more about how it was done but I think you'll come to the conclusion that this is still quite remarkable, even wonderful.
[8] amanda_dcosta 14-Feb-06/10:24 AM Reply
Isn't it good to say we've come a long way...... that just about sums up the theme of the poem, I think. it's a nice write and to make it better, I'd skip mentioning the 'forty'. It's understood from the title. Just my opinion..... it could be either way according to preference.
[n/a] Dovina › amanda_dcosta 14-Feb-06/10:33 AM Reply
The 40 is redundant. Yes, I could do that - thanks.
[7] richa 14-Feb-06/12:50 PM Reply
'Of what fabric are wishes made?' is a punchy line to start with but you make no attempt to elucidate.
It can't be ascertained why you sneer so much.
To start a thing is vague and quite clunky.
The middle of the poem is unarresting.

Death refrain is an interesting use of language.
Good to say we've come a long way is a decent idea.

I just think the poem needs more meat in the place of the cliches of wilderness, anniveraries pass etc.
[n/a] Dovina › richa 14-Feb-06/4:41 PM Reply
Yes, I think those are good conmments, worthy of consideration in a rewrite. So unlike your comment on my prior one which seemed designed to antagonize, not to help.
[9] zodiac 14-Feb-06/12:56 PM Reply
Wish this had a story.
[n/a] Dovina › zodiac 15-Feb-06/6:10 PM Reply
Story:
Marry, work, birth, work, birth, retire, throw a party.
[8] crazyknight 15-Feb-06/7:07 PM Reply
why did you miss death, afraid!!!
[n/a] Dovina › crazyknight 15-Feb-06/8:52 PM Reply
If I had not missed death, I would not have written this, and would not be afraid. "I had not missed death" is evaluable by true or false. I chose true. Would you say that such statements are symbols in reality,or are they trifles about words?