DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Hurt

Member since 2005 · Posted 9 Mar 2007 · 5 comments

As you turned and walked away, the painted smile upon my face, shows faint signs of cracking. Small droplets begin to form, at the corner of my eyes, and slowly, painfully, drift downward, pooling, dripping, from the fullness of my lips, and then vanish, in the knit of my sweater.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 7.00 weighted 5.24 rank 4137 views 200 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

5 comments

[8] Dovina 9-Mar-07/1:18 PM Reply

The first thing that comes to mind, besides liking this, is that the "faint signs of cracking" in your painted smile are something he might notice, but you might not. I'd put it third person, i.e.

As he turned and walked away,
the painted smile upon her face, . . .

[10] Dr Peter Douglas 10-Mar-07/2:35 PM Reply

Hello Bethy
Thankyou for being kind about my poetry.
Sadly thanks to the likes of steve robbins,edna sweetlove, mrc***t and a few others i am leaving the site, i expect comments on my poems not very personal attacks. I will be moving to another site and i will email you with that site not via this public use.
Very best wishes to you
Peter.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Dr Peter Douglas 11-Mar-07/9:53 AM Reply

Any further visits to Bourani will be in vain. I do not think I have to explain why. You have gravely disappointed me.

[n/a] mr cunt › Dr Peter Douglas 11-Mar-07/10:56 AM Reply

Good bye, asshole.

[n/a] mr cunt › Dr Peter Douglas 11-Mar-07/10:57 AM Reply

But, dear Colin/Dr Peter, don't think we won't find you, unless you change your name to Colin Douglas, of course.