Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Trailer Park: Diary of a Hayseed (Free verse) by DreamerSupreme
My eyes gaze over the trailor park scene of my life. America to me is an endless stretch of fields with motorhomes parked permanently on dark soil. Morgan drinks his moon shine, freshly distilled from the last night, cursin about the flies that invaded his living space. Cindy is in the field by the trees rough housing like the tomboy she is. She lifts her skirt for anyone that has two dollars and a pair of blindfolds. Dirt roads stretch across the rolling hills like brown veins. The local mom and pop gas station decorates my windows view, its neon sign blinking Mill r s G s Statoin. Miller Ferrows never could spell that well...

Up the ladder: Stargazing Illusionist

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 6.1666665
Weighted score: 5.313765
Overall Rank: 3535
Posted: August 20, 2003 5:51 AM PDT; Last modified: August 20, 2003 6:43 AM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[3] Joe-joe @ 170.28.4.4 | 20-Aug-03/8:30 AM | Reply
Ah bong water overdose that's definetely it. "over the trailor park scence of my life"... sure sign of BW overose..seen it a million times. Take two asprin and suck down a bottle of Lea and Perins Worchestiere sauce (got that in your Egyptian Market? it's right next to the embombing fluid)and you'll feel much better in the morning. -3- Happy 18th birthday! Joe.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 66.52.131.38 > Joe-joe | 20-Aug-03/2:18 PM | Reply
joe joe, ive seen your type of shit 100000 times. you shouldnt talk. ;P
[3] Joe-joe @ 68.194.57.229 > DreamerSupreme | 20-Aug-03/2:33 PM | Reply
What can I say, we both suck! Hey Dreamster, lets end this silliness and agree to either not comment on eachothers work or offer only constructive criticism.... no matter how blunt and to the point it may be. If you dont like what I do lay it on me but be constructive. I'm here to work at becoming a better writer as I'm sure you are. i must admit, the verbal sparring is fun but it does get old quickly. I'm a well intentioned guy and you're a good kid. Bright too. So how about it. Let's shake hands and start a new relationship. Wadda ya think? Joe.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 66.52.131.38 > Joe-joe | 20-Aug-03/3:05 PM | Reply
joe-joe, i parodied your one piece as a complete constructive crit.. in other words: it was unoriginal, cliche ridden, and full of crap... held NOTHING concerning value for the reader.. ok? here i dont do line by line crit in a nice fashion, because this aint the ezboard poetry workshops.. its the fucking jungle.
[3] Joe-joe @ 68.194.57.229 > DreamerSupreme | 20-Aug-03/6:20 PM | Reply
It's the fucking jungle because that's what you have chosen to make it. There are people on this website who get their points across quite professionally and efectively without being childish and offensive.... Z and Mr. Pig are prime examples of what I'm talking about. I'm really trying not to fucking prosteltize here. We've been there before and you were rightfully offended by that. But let's be fucking real. What I'm talking about is so basic and fundimental. If you don't like a piece of work come out and say so in a constructive way. I don't know what your fucking E-Zboard work shop is all about but it doesn't sound like what I'm talking about. I'm talking about being brutally honest and constructive while being respectful of other peoples efforts and feelings. There are ways of getting your feelings across without being offensive. Why is that so difficult for you to understand? Take a good look at your work. My man, you need a shit load of work on your game. Even I can see that. What the hell am I doing for you and what am I saying about myself if I tell you that your work sucks, you're a fucking asshole, and that your mother has donkey and gorilla cum ooozing from her pussy. It's offensive and infintile. Anyone whose got the courage to throw their work out here for their peers to criticize, deserves to be treated respectfully. When I was younger I was a relatively successful boxer. There was a respect among fighters because we all realized that everytime anyone of us stepped into the ring we were risking our lives. Skill level was unimportant. What we're doing here in this site is not much different than that. Grow the fuck up (there I go talking down to you..sorry)! Like I said, if you want to have a mature relationship I'm game. If you want to be one of the monkey's in the jungle go find another patch of trees to play in..... Joe-joes not playing with the monkeys anymore.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 63.93.100.51 > Joe-joe | 21-Aug-03/2:35 AM | Reply
Its not what i chose to make it, thats how it was when i came here man.. and theres no need to get all angry about it and be all high a mighty saying you dont want to play with the monkey, when your the hairy ape that doesnt comprehend the universe that you fell into.

You know, about my game needing to be worked on: ive been working on it since i was 13, and continue to do so, i have not stated EVER that theres nothing i need to improve upon.

And dont worry about my progress, its doing quite well, I have leaped my ass across hurdles in my writing and have become stronger as a poet.. and i did with help from this website.. you want to know HOW the folks here at poemranker helped me?

They fucking spanked me silly, crushed me into pieces, laughed at my work, called it shitty, etc etc etc... I got clowned 20000 ways from sunday.. and you know what? It caused me to evolve.. and i continue to evolve.. because i had every asshole on this site making my life hell.

I WAS being constructive man.. i turned that one poem of yours into a complete joke while stating exactly what was wrong with it, except you never took it seriously, didnt even think about looking at it carefully to see what i was saying.

Your telling me i need to work on my game? lol.. pal, i can write more creatively than what you can fart at the moment.. no, im not the most creative, original, or amazing writer around, if that was the case i wouldnt be here... well actually, i probly would because well.. i love this place.

and, about being brutally honest.. cmon now.. thats exactly what i was doing.. do you think i actually take the time to parody someones work if i dont think they could possibily write better? pffft.

[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 63.93.100.51 > Joe-joe | 21-Aug-03/2:36 AM | Reply
COMMENT CONTINUED:

ez-board poetry forums are basically workshops where poetry is critiqued, and theres alot of line by line revision and suggestions involved.. including people rewriting whole poems.. in a nice and polite fashion.. i go there for ideas, and to better myself in the mechanics of poetry..

I post here on poemranker to understand the soul of writing, and to be pushed around like a little punk so i get stronger, and perform better in writing.. and ive learned alot, from my enemies and my friends, though i dont let most of them know that, i play stubborn, bitch, moan, make jokes and play my chosen role.

About mr pig, yeah, hes a nice polite english gentleman, a damn good poet. But i havent gotten much advice/crit from him.. actually, none at all, but thats beside the point.

Z.. heh.. look man, Z made fun of my shit while giving me a dominatrix whipping session when she didnt think i was writing to my full potential, and it wasnt POLITE.. ok? it was fucking rude.. ;)

You should do less whining, and take advantage of the shit i say to you.. and ive given clues here and there.. you just need to look.

Im actually being all nice.. just to get a point across.. yes, your that fucking stubborn.. LuckyJoe wasnt this fucking thick skulled..

Do me a favor btw, stop talking down to me as if i am some child, i might be younger than you, but that has nothing to do with my experience in life, or what i know.. I dont need some fatherly friend to save my ass when im not even in danger.

And: GROW THE FUCK UP. yes, do that by WIDENING your vision.. stop thinking in such a fucking narrow fashion.. ignorance is being unwilling to understand. Try to fucking jerk your brain out of that static way of life and start exploring the world around you.. just because you learned to think this way due to the life you lived doesnt mean its the fucking only way, and definately doesnt make it the best way.

[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 63.93.100.51 > Joe-joe | 21-Aug-03/2:36 AM | Reply
I'll do you a favor: ill be less assholic than usual for you.. [i feel like im giving in..] but dont be fooled, im going to be fucking harsh, and i wont always be polite.. infact, actually, im going to be blunt.. like always.. cept i wont be so rough.. ok?

BTW, you have a fucking strange idea about poetry requiring profoundness.. which is idiotic. poetry isnt only bible versed you narrow minded tramp.. jeez.

Its about:

Imagery, Expression of emotion, creative presentation using metaphor, simile, rhyme, meter, etc.. its taking people to another universe, its offering alternate views of life, or it can be about provoking a reader, causing him/her to think, or to simply piss them off.

its alot of shit.. not much of it has anything to do with how PROFOUND THE STUPID POEM IS.. profound is upto the reader dick.. you know why? because the way you write a poem decides whether or not it affects the reader in anyway.. profound or not..

ok, im done with my long and detailed speech.. take it or leave it, but do yourself a favor and dont just wave it off as juvenile babbling, its fucking stupid to make assumptions..
[3] Joe-joe @ 170.28.4.4 > DreamerSupreme | 21-Aug-03/4:29 AM | Reply
Dreamster,

Now you're talking a language I can understand. Much of what you say is absolutely true! For the record, I do not see myself as some fatherly figure. There is a relationship between age and wisdom. But I've met plenty of older people who are the biggest morons in the world and some younger people who are wise far beyond their years. When I was younger I took a hard ass view of the world and wanted to fight everyone. I see the world in a different light now. I really think life is aobut being the best possible person you can be and helping as many people as you can. I do alot of work with young people in the field of athletics and enjoy the hell out of their company. I learn something new from them EVERY DAY. I hope they're learning from me also. I'm not saying my way is the right way. I'm just sharing with you my view of things so you can better understand where I'm coming from. I'm not patronizing you or talking down to you. I respect or talents and now see that you are an extremely insightful kid. Thanks for your comments.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 63.93.100.51 > Joe-joe | 21-Aug-03/4:48 AM | Reply
insightful? -shrug- i think you are one of the most stubborn bastards ive ever met.. but whatever, you got the goddamned point, and i can stop hammering it in.. (self note: why??? WHY DO I DO IT?? im a closet masochist perhaps??? bleh.)

Thank god you dont actually think your a fatherly figure, otherwise my energy has been used to educate the deaf, blind, and retarded, but unfortunately not mute.. heh.

Best possible person you can be.. be yourself. Help others, thats always good.. whats good is also knowing if you can help them, or whether its possible..

anyway, this is where my comment ends, before i ramble like an insect.
[7] J.B. Manning @ 129.44.35.24 | 20-Aug-03/1:21 PM | Reply
I like it. Picturesque like pork loins being salted on your mobile patio.


[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 66.52.131.38 > J.B. Manning | 20-Aug-03/2:29 PM | Reply
happy you enjoyed it.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 202.8.187.72 | 22-Sep-03/1:36 AM | Reply
So rife with clerical errors and rancid splats of cack that after absorbing this secretion I think I'm going to have to have a lie down. Yet again you prove yourself the master of giving bloated pieces absurdly pretentious and insipidly whimsical titles. "Diary of a Hayseed" my arse. No doubt this piece was intended to 'decorate the reader's window' with a beautiful collage of midwestern serenity. But after the appalling ending, made even worse by the painful, yet touchingly poignant use of an ellipsis, the only thing decorating my window was a giant shower of vomit...
[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 204.31.175.60 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 8-Oct-03/1:09 AM | Reply
clerical errors? where?

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.47 > DreamerSupreme | 8-Oct-03/3:45 AM | Reply
Moonshine is one word.

"my window's view".

Frankly, I'm appalled.
[n/a] Y2kSlamPoet @ 204.31.165.139 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 8-Oct-03/4:37 AM | Reply
appalled? such things do tend to escape my notice often, but there isnt an excuse for moonshine. thanks for explaining.
275 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2022 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001