Free verse № 64961
Love has been awoke. (edited, needs new title)
Away at college,
My love. To whom I never confessed,
To far gone to hold within these loving arms.
Caress her day by day.
Years we âdatedâ,
Hell we even mated.
But I⦠I couldnât say a thing.
Does that mean it was a sexual thing?
Cause hardly ever did we express,
A pen and paper always around was stress.
Feeling all alone,
Sitting in wait by the phone.
I may be mute but not deaf!
Will you never call, that being questioned?
Heartbreak is setting in, feeling its pain.
The slow trickle of organs overheating,
Insides like a snow cone melting in summerâs day.
You reached and touched with a frosting freeze,
Making again solid my heart and chest with ridged silk.
Today was the day the phone finally rang.
To ear I held it, listening to you breath.
Then finally after silences wait, you spoke.
This letting known youâre still in reach.
Fears now dormant in hibernation.
Love has been awoken, but not spoken.
What a great thing a voice could be.
12 comments
i have seen of you
try harder.
i have seen of you
try harder.
its messing...
or you meant
its missing...
imust know.
3char1per
3char1per
really don't get what a "frosting freeze" would be. or what's reaching and what's being touched.
("to far gone" should be "too far gone")
the second stanza has seeds of something, if there was a better flow to it; and the last stanza brings it crashing down, in my opinion. done done done.
Good poems don't always need big comments. But if they made the reader think something then say it. Or gave you an idea yourself, the same.
I'm rambling, I however do thank you. I'm going to copy this comment and read it a few times. Ofcorse I'm going to be rewriting my poem while reading the comment. I give you a 10 on your comment. :)
I think I did a fine job of potraying the thoughts, the feeling and making you see how someone without a voice would see these happenings. Think how you would feel if you were mute then see the art at hand.
Not saying it's the best... but its far better than a 3.
But hey I'm handicapt so why shouldn't my scores be too, right?
Stop beating yo-self up, concentrate on ya positive side.
P.S. IT'S HANDICAPPED, AND THE POEM IS STILL SHITE.
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