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Ravens Flight - Voices of Spite (My First Ever Vilanelle)

Member since 2003 · Posted 6 Oct 2003 · Edited 6 Oct 2003 · 11 comments

Voices from me withered mouth did bite the day me tapestry did fray Taking flight much like an over-intoxicated kite The loss of me trusted carpet brought about spite me inner devil knew that someone must pay Voices from me withered mouth did bite A spell loomed over the coming night me inner lawyer said the ravens now held sway Taking flight much like an over-intoxicated kite Me ears founds their crowing to be trite determined i was to have the last say Voices from me withered mouth did bite Feathered foe thought me filled with fright cackling with songs that were gay Taking flight much like an over-intoxicated kite It was a such a dreadful sight when them ravens would not pay Voices from me withered mouth did bite Taking flight much like an over-intoxicated kite

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11 comments

[n/a] Don-Quixote 6-Oct-03/3:37 PM Reply

not too bad i think.. actually, it wasnt that hard- once i grasped the flow of it.. oh well, theres going to be more since i had fun writing one.

[9] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 6-Oct-03/4:26 PM Reply

I like the way you used the lawyer as a metaphor for incest. -9-

[n/a] Don-Quixote › ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 6-Oct-03/4:32 PM Reply

my inner lawyer was mush when my inner devil proved he could bring about more suffering that he.

and the bastards whip cracks 'long with the lawyers groans are soon going to compell me to swipe my universe clean and create less irritating bastages as my underlings.

[7] Jeremi B. Handrinos › ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 6-Oct-03/4:34 PM Reply

ha haaaaaha hahahha haha haha I thought it was a metaphor for soloflex? Ha ha ha ha. 7.

[n/a] Don-Quixote › Jeremi B. Handrinos 6-Oct-03/4:43 PM Reply

did you ever think id take a crack at the vil?

i didnt, but then i looked in the mirror and i realized that my goatee was getting greasy.

maybe i should ponder tackling a sestina next?

[7] richa 7-Oct-03/6:09 AM Reply

OK mainly flows I think, and some nice material

bit too slow though for the repetition to kick in

gay is too easy a rhyme, and is far more loaded to meaning homosexual, which would mean your feathered foe was singing something like Y.M.C.A.

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › richa 7-Oct-03/11:27 PM Reply

yeah, the that line bugs me aswell, but i didnt have any other ideas at the moment, later on i might tweak it to something else.

[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 7-Oct-03/9:33 AM Reply

DON'T GIVE UP THE DAY JOB!!!!!!!!1111111

your friend,

doug

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 7-Oct-03/11:31 PM Reply

my friend? your quite mistaken, or very lonely.

[7] Shuushin 7-Oct-03/12:00 PM Reply

It's a Vilanelle alright - Poe would like it; i likes it.

Go for the Sestina. Do it. Do it now before all the ideas get used up!!

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › Shuushin 7-Oct-03/11:29 PM Reply

All ideas getting used up? tsk, impossible, everytime i think ive run out of ideas i get a thousand more.

ill be improving my vilanelle ability a bit more before attempting a sestina- which can be quite the headache for a poet.

happy you enjoyed it.