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esopus creek

Member since 2002 · Posted 5 Aug 2002 · Edited 27 Sep 2002 · 5 comments

The fish lies wriggling in place under the rainy surface under these logs and dead and dying tree roots under the rainy surface the saplings that never had a chance still trying to reach up into the stunted gray sunless light the water so still and dark and out of place you think you might go into it and come out somewhere else. This is where I drop my line.

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mean 6.50 weighted 5.40 rank 3113 views 117 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

5 comments

[9] <~> 5-Aug-02/11:49 AM Reply

dive right in.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 16-Aug-02/4:40 PM Reply

I'd drop the second line (lol! "I thank you"). Or at least change it. I don't think fish 'wriggle'. I'm also not too sure about the part about the saplings 'trying to reach up'. I'm not sure that writing about saplings struggling to grow is very relevant. Though I suppose if it helps describe the scene then leave it. I don't know really. Other than that I thought it was quite a good poeme.

[9] <~> 27-Sep-02/7:31 PM Reply

damn wriggling winker got away again, didn't he? the wee bastard!

[9] lastobelus 12-Mar-03/1:16 PM Reply

This poem fucking rocks. Oh wow. I grew up with such country in my backyard 'n' much time alone in it. nosTALgia, it's such a great drug.

Although I suppose DA has a point. I'd say lurking instead of wriggling, but only because I'm a melodramatic fool. "still trying to reach up" could just be "still reaching" ??? I dunno. But I really like this poem, even if those really are flaws.

[5] Sapphire2589 20-Mar-04/12:10 AM Reply

kinda.....weird,but good,just confusing