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endless eternity:

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · 6 comments

waves crash a steady beat pounding shores in rhyme time suckles of mother natures teat all the while man remains blind the shifting sands run through a slick channel lost souls still wander the ages a taste rolls in mouths of unwary - banal yet they never see they are within cages

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mean 4.19 weighted 4.21 rank 13210 views 215 View voting details →

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6 comments

[5] nentwined 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply

the title is a strike against -- redundant. I can't find the rhythm or flow of the piece, but the images are beautiful and I feel I've got the feel of the whole. ... :)

[4] anonymous 4-Apr-02/1:13 PM Reply

the cage and the wide ocean don't work as contrasting forces. Cage/field pond/ocean

[5] nentwined 12-Jun-02/2:22 AM Reply

"suckles of" -> "suckles off"
"natures" -> "nature's"
"all the while man remains blind" -- flow seems off here. and on the next line. actually, from there down, it seems a bit off.

[6] Angel_of_fait 9-Jul-02/12:42 AM Reply

hhhmmmmm needs more though i think and it is really good buttwo parts crash together and well that is just my opinnion..

[6] forestchild7 19-Jul-02/3:29 PM Reply

true...

[0] poetandknowit 25-Aug-02/8:50 PM Reply

And here I thought this was going to be a descent poem. The title sucks, but the poem opens in okay fashion and then---boom, out of nowhere comes the worst line ever written: "time suckles of mother natures teat." I laughed all the way to the pisser, pissed all over myself from laughing so hard.