poemranker ::My reflection by singinkygal

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 94702

My reflection

by singinkygal

Member since 2003 · Posted 22 Mar 2004 · 3 comments

Staring in the water at my reflection below watching it being shatttered by the stones I throw Realizing this is what happens when the people I know Shatter my image with the stones they throw How do they see me past the reflection of their own In their glass houses that they call home

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7558 views 140 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

3 comments

[6] deleted user 22-Mar-04/1:46 PM Reply
A good image in the first half, but the logic breaks down somewhere in the glass house.
[4] caffrey 22-Mar-04/5:16 PM Reply
good concept, but barely poetry. Too many unneeded words
[6] Shuushin 22-Mar-04/7:57 PM Reply
I'm going to echo caffrey - but elaborate by saying the “too many” words are precisely the ones you've put in to sound like “poetry”.

Here's a test - take out the rhyming words - does the meaning change? If it doesn't - why have them?

You word choices should add value. You've got shattered twice, btw - and five "t"'s between them. And my pet peeve, extraneous prepositional phrases.

Try not to trade meaning for rhyme – what you are trying to convey (the idea of which I like, btw) is complicated enough as it is – focus on that.

Maybe, as an exercise, make the same poem without rhyming?