Mispelled Occasions in the title.

The title is shit. You should have titled it "Poetry". Or even better: "Rockmages Poetry"!!

Can you be more inorganic?

breath = breathe? Also, this whole thing is confused. Many aspects of this poem reminds me of pimples. Though slightly more matured than the average pimple, it still possesses puss. Blessed with a two.

so many topics in so few lines... and a title that has nothing to do with any of them.. hmm

You really Think This is a poetry?

I have now changed Stanza 3 line 1 to read "Seagulls in shades of while", which originally read "seagulls in pearly whites". Maybe this is a better option. What do you think?

hahaha.. i found this very amusing. and just for that very reason I'll give you a ten.... :-)

Too much emphasis on the word beggar. And yes, it rings quite clear that this beggar wants to remain a beggar. I like the half rhymes you use.... but still think you could come up with something better than ...'travels on to something rural.'

I think your attitude may grow younger; I hope so. So keep pressing the strings, making the chords less clumsy, and unlike most people as they age, keep forgiving. Oh, yes, try to make you poetry less clumsy too. Best of luck.

Please stop writing about this woman on a bicycle, crossing America coast to coast, now three-fourths of the way from Virginia to California. I can relate to much of the sentiment in this. What are you riding?

I am with you until the last three lines. The ending switches topic too much and is unclear.

Do you really need two "holy"'s? The first verse is a riddle - 4 generations I think. The last two lines are great. Thanks for making me read Psalm 34 again.

Good title for this.

reminds me of malcolm who i worked with, are you writing his biography lol

Can you not write a better Haiku than a 5th grader?

i haven't read all of your work, but thus far, this is my favorite... even though you're a better writer than me, i'd have to say the first and last lines should be switched, in my opinion. because if you're deteriorating then you're no longer waiting for the ground, right?

after the second verse i just quit reading it.... you rhymes are to simple, and to everywhere... i agree with cheese doodles.

i've realized you really love jesus, and god, and all that bullshit, but if you love somethings give it away, you may have heard that saying before. what i'm saying is in this song of yours, if you killed someone, i don't think your jesus would be to happy.. maybe try writting about some other things?? maybe? .......

this is disgusting, which makes it better.