| Re: Tripping Through A Paper Square by Shardik |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.70 |
16-May-04/5:25 AM |
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more hyphens! smash the molds!!
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| Re: tribute by francis nor capule |
Sasha 69.138.236.63 |
16-May-04/7:52 AM |
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Read the masters. Learn about them so that you can forget later.
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| Re: and the world evolves by peaceseeker |
Sasha 69.138.236.63 |
16-May-04/11:59 AM |
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"live and love inside my universe" sounds like an anglophone Catullus on a bad day.
The whole thing seems a quasi-religious litany to some weird semi-deified entity known as "you." However "you" is most certainly not human because "you" is unable to air "your"m pain in reality. Then again "you" is also not omnipotent because "you" is not the one in whose universe the "living and loving" is done.
Please explain who this mysterious "you" is.
Thank you
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| Re: 42 by brazen |
Sasha 69.138.236.63 |
16-May-04/12:11 PM |
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HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE
Just because it's a good book.
-10-
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| Re: One More Mile by marvelis |
Sasha 69.138.236.63 |
16-May-04/12:12 PM |
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Clichééééééééééééééééééééééé!
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| Re: No name for the poem...Lost in emptiness by Prince of Void |
Prince of Void 217.218.131.136 |
16-May-04/12:40 PM |
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emptiness is my business ....despair is my blood
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
16-May-04/12:45 PM |
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| Re: Bleeding in the American South by wilco |
Prince of Void 217.218.131.136 |
16-May-04/12:47 PM |
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i like it ...it has made an image in my head ...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
16-May-04/12:50 PM |
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| Re: Truckers should not be poets by INTRANSIT |
nentwined 66.92.183.34 |
16-May-04/2:33 PM |
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The rhythm does seem a bit off, but villanelles are like that even when they're spot on, I think. You use some very simple rhymes, perhaps ironically, but that doesn't make them hurt less. I like the two lines you've used to repeat, and I really like that you alternate the leading. Negative points (in my book) for anything that asks for the context of poemranker. But. Dunno. For the form, and for what you're saying, I think you've done a decent job. Bonus for giving me fat to chew. This'll sit in my favorites for a bit regardless.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shardik 24.130.62.63 |
16-May-04/4:13 PM |
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| Re: Pine by andrewjthomas |
caitydee 64.12.116.70 |
16-May-04/5:35 PM |
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I really liked this, it is a bit long, I'm not sure what I would take out. But I have to disagree with the others-I liked the last stanza and I still cared at the end, but I may have drifted a bit in the middle, overall very well done.
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| Re: Oomphless by shwenatjadeflower |
INTRANSIT 152.163.252.165 |
16-May-04/6:31 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 152.163.252.165 |
16-May-04/6:39 PM |
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Here I am. Lagging behind as usual.
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| Re: Oomphless by shwenatjadeflower |
Sasha 69.138.236.63 |
16-May-04/7:04 PM |
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Nono
Drop all of the last line except the first and last word. Then capitalize the last word
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| Re: No name for the poem...Lost in emptiness by Prince of Void |
sliver 66.87.134.129 |
16-May-04/7:41 PM |
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Then one would think you might know how to spell vein.
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| Re: Faggots get what they deserve! by J.B. Manning |
sliver 66.87.134.129 |
16-May-04/7:53 PM |
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HOMOPHOBIC, aren't we all. I couldn't stop laughing!!!
A better deserved ten has never been issued. wheeeeee.
I guesss they'll think I'm a fag now too, screw 'em I loved this.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
electroman1979 198.81.26.15 |
16-May-04/8:14 PM |
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and which way to live is that?
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| Re: All There by sliver |
electroman1979 198.81.26.15 |
16-May-04/8:15 PM |
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good poem, brings back memories for me as well
*10*
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| Re: How the smallest things by Katrina |
francis nor capule 210.23.227.51 |
17-May-04/4:36 AM |
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