| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 67.240.192.43 |
5-May-04/5:13 PM |
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| Re: 8 or 9 by tadpole |
sliver 63.190.64.105 |
5-May-04/7:08 PM |
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The rocks in the pocket grabbed me, the rest held me.
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| Re: Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
5-May-04/7:23 PM |
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Didn't I read this one yesterday?
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| Re: Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
5-May-04/8:03 PM |
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Hmmmmm, I think I like this one a little better but the old ones good too. -9.43986-
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| Re: Everglades parkway by INTRANSIT |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
5-May-04/9:00 PM |
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This one is not as good as the other, imho - but still offers an interesting read.
Some of the language seems heavier.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
5-May-04/9:02 PM |
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Yep. Caught me nappin'.
Awake now.
I thought those asterisks were stars - by the end I realized it was the money shot.
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| Re: When she beats me by Win |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
5-May-04/9:04 PM |
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Great title.
Is that some forshadowing there at the end?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
5-May-04/9:08 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Tintagiles 142.166.233.121 |
5-May-04/9:16 PM |
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Dear god -- the roses are already dead in your part of the world? They're only just starting to grow leaves here...
I'm not sure about the last line, though I can't put my finger on the reason why. It may be because it rhymes with 'face' and there is no other rhyming involved (unless you count the dying and drying, which is a bit far-reaching for a rhyme).
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| Re: Everyone by nothingtoanyone |
Everyone 195.157.153.253 |
6-May-04/1:42 AM |
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Nice to see a poeme about me at last.
Your friend,
Everyone.
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| Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone |
Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199 |
6-May-04/1:43 AM |
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Splendid, I especially like the inclusion of my omni-back.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 152.163.252.165 |
6-May-04/6:31 AM |
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Actually there is a fair amount assonance here. Jam packed with stuff here. Excellent, sir.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
edpeterson 68.79.7.110 |
6-May-04/6:45 AM |
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Feet is better than roots, because of the implication of dangling feet, a hanging. Think about deleting the parenthetical phrase. (You probably already have)
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| Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone |
INTRANSIT 152.163.252.165 |
6-May-04/7:01 AM |
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3 for length. 3 for humour. 2 for Max Headroom. 2 for Woostuh. -2 for the off beat stanzas. 1 for nuttyness.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 152.163.252.165 |
6-May-04/7:04 AM |
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If this doesn't see the top, I swear I'm gonna realease a dump truck full of Bazooka bubble gum on someones head.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
<~> 167.206.181.179 |
6-May-04/7:55 AM |
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pity the lilies can't be made to last, as well.
but prhaps that's why they are sweetest of all.
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| Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone |
Shardik 24.130.62.63 |
6-May-04/11:41 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
6-May-04/11:47 AM |
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A vase holds living lilies as a frame holds a face. The lilies will die too, and then what? It's quite possible I'm all wet, but it's an enjoyable bath. I wish you'd be more clear sometimes.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
6-May-04/11:53 AM |
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Yes, please delete the () line. What is so unusual about hail in the spring? Maybe where you live it is. Were you standing in the hail? Maybe the tree sheltered you from the hail, as it protected the flowers.
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| Re: Everyone by nothingtoanyone |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
6-May-04/11:59 AM |
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Should that be "flow. Fall"? The last line is good, but I'd leave out "Everything and"
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