very strong ending, loved this upon finishing it

Indeed. Meter trips, and I'm not sure I like the abundance of articles in lines 1-3. After that it's good.

Nothing wrong with this poem, now look to improve your use of meter and imagery. A good book for learning the technical stuff is Stephen Fry's 'The Ode Less Travelled'. You'll be fine.

Unless you're sleeping with bacon, the rind wants explaining in the title. You give us the light in the poem, so the title's free to do a bit more work. Nice image, now that I know what it's about.

If we want to solve third world water shortage, all we need to do is get Somalia to host Glastonbury and Wimbledon. 'Loose-limbed' is a bit cliche.

Zimmerframe?

Punctuate the end of line two, otherwise it reads: I do not fear love nearly as much as I should frighten me some more. Which is a little confusing.

The images are good and in places you hint at a swaying rhythm which is ace, but you don't sustain it. The final stanza is marvellous.

Nice.

What does Alex think would have happened if Iraq had been left alone? Good poeme though.

I rather like this, although it is pretty much a dictionary of romantic imagery.

I like the irregular drip-drip sound you get with the indentations and line breaks, although I don't think that 'melody' is the word you want in this.

I agree with what ranger will say: Too much prose, too little rhythm. The same story will sound better with iambs and such. It's a good story.

L4 seems there only for the rhyme.

makes you think. interesting.

didnt like it at first but after reading it a few times i think it grows on you.

notice how your first stanzas are shorter lines? That works really well - stick to that. I love the fantasy/goth feel of this...

wonderful.

ugh. horrid topic, well portrayed. i think that the single line "hear our silence" is sufficient to convey the "shame on spectators" message. especially haunting is the last verse...

are you in love with a sociopath? just kidding. i like it.