You don't need the 'night' in nightlight - we know it's dark you told us that in the first line of the second verse. Unless you are referring to the light a child may need to sleep with? Still you mention night again in line four - the flow would work better without the extra night.

S1 is plain and easy. S2 is kind of haiku - very sparse. The two together seem mismatched.

The first two verses move along fine; I'm into it there. But in mid-poem, too many twists, too much I can't find allusion for, and wonder why every prayer should not be a see-through prayer.

i do like the improvement of the ending, although i would think Alex would "sulk" his answer; "huff" seems a bit wrong somehow, as if he were flummoxed (but maybe he is). interesting bit that Alex(ander) is making the comment about not following Bush any longer; the origin of Alex's name implies leadership. extra point for the content.

I think you should drop the last verse. It's too telling, and really says nothing not implied above.

i would start line 2 differently; it is disjointed and does not flow well from line 1. perhaps "we saw" instead of "there's" on line 2 or maybe omit "during" from line 1. no need for the "and" at the start of line 3. i do like the imagery and similies: "loose-limbed", "clinging", "flapping", "slick...like sweaty skin", and my favorite " dance a blissful drunken shrug". lines 3-7 very successfully animate the clothing as much as the wind would. a few nitpicks as indicated, but good work.

i can accept that the previously posted version of this in the concrete style sucked. i thank those that pointed out the flaws. while this may not be a better version, necessarily, it is at least more true to the original visceral response to (and memory of) the moment that motivated the penning of these words.

Either omit the one period or punctuate as prudent. I suggest the latter. Try omitting "and the" in L3, and "the" in L4.

Surprising you find awe in grass - something I've never even considered to be wondered over. The first two lines in the last stanza bring an instant response of awe...but the grass! Interesting how your mind works with what you see.

I can see the image you are trying to create, and the contrast - but, find I would be lost if it wasn't for the comments above. So, maybe you need to put the fruit in the title somehow because I keep wanting to change 'rind' to 'ring' as if it's a typo...

this reads like a Gaelic folk song. Now for the music...

made me chuckle.

i'd like to see something juxtaposing the skin of the grapefruit with the skin of the lover. the conceit seems to want it.

the word today is not needed.

there's only so much excitement you can inject into a poem about grass growing, but i applaud the effort. adding the "I" in the last stanza seems not to fit very well.

Love ends! Frightened now?

very cute just as it is

very song-like, with an olde feel that doesn't quite make it...the punctuation is distracting. I don't feel anything for or from this write.

why the spacings now? I have seen this done in a few poems and don't get the idea behind it.

feeling your age lately?