Re: Astronomical by DeadtotheWorld	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:02 PM
I'm sorry but I have trouble with the format. Enought that I have trouble getting through it. I think it might have something to do with the sushi I just had.
Re: Tuna and sweetcorn by Bobjim	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:03 PM
woah. thats deep.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:06 PM
nice line: "wheat in a ruckus with the wind" This one _really_ slows time.
Re: matador by ThePariahDog	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:08 PM
Feels a tad too "thesorisized". I think it might need more to bring it back to the human condition (cuz, well - its not really about bulls, is it?)
Re: A wicked rose grows in God's grapevine. by SupremeDreamer	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:12 PM
Try a version of this that isn't in the first person, see if you still buy it. (I'm not saying you won't, but it might help refine the thought).
Re: Over Simplification by Richard	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:15 PM
prolly a good performance piece; it makes interesting sounds.
Re: Transport by baughworm	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:17 PM
feels pretty close to something good. I think I need a character reference; a perspective to have it make sense to me.
Re: Transport by baughworm	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:17 PM
feels pretty close to something good. I think I need a character reference; a perspective to have it make sense to me.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:18 PM
"later " - layer?
Re: Watching The Rose Grow by Blindpoetry	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:19 PM
nicely and subtly rhymed. EXCEPT HOBBY/LOBBY - god, fix that please.
Re: I Have A Love by Spindle	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:24 PM
(no title in body please). Actually a little twist there in the second to last line. Sounds (the situation) so wonderful but then there is this little shadow of doubt (the quarreling). Would be nice to exploit this more. Something like "He's so thoughtful and kind and everything is so wonderful except for the way he stares at my sister's ass when he thinks I don't see" kindof thing.
Re: Mariana by wilco	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:26 PM
"caustic words of love"... interesting. some nice/interesting images/similies
Re: A Dangling Poo by zodiac	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:36 PM
Dust off the geetar, grab yer jamming buddy M.G. and you just might have a HIT - call your agent! I gotta say though, nobody does the [browne] like -=DA=-
Re: A Dangling Poo by zodiac	SupremeDreamer 204.31.171.113	31-Mar-04/8:37 PM
I can imagine cheerleaders singing this at ShitFest, Anus Parade, or the Fecal Olympics. This is lovely, spectacular, and amazing compared to the cheers spouted at a brain-numbing highschool football game. Grade A Turd Material, Shit-Crumpet approved, worthy of a ten. Be proud, and stand with the honor befitting a Shit-Head.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/8:39 PM
Points for using formed verse - which is good cuz you need it to make up for life/strife.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.176.102.131	31-Mar-04/9:32 PM
This is great. As a person who works with mental patients, I can say bravo. (I think I've read this before, though....is it an edit?)
Re: hands by New Life Drug	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	31-Mar-04/9:56 PM
Yeah, that works.
regarding some deleted poem...	New Life Drug 67.112.121.237	31-Mar-04/10:00 PM
i like it
regarding some deleted poem...	New Life Drug 67.112.121.237	31-Mar-04/10:02 PM
i like shakespearean sonnets better but this is ok.
Re: A Dangling Poo by zodiac	New Life Drug 67.112.121.237	31-Mar-04/10:04 PM
hmmmm. what inspired you to write this? jeez... i can imagine it like a musical...or an ebay commercial..they should show it in pre-schools across america..