Re: Reunion by syrusstone	wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 195.157.153.253	25-Mar-04/9:26 AM
Zounds!
Re: The Beautiful Chase by smlink84	wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 195.157.153.253	25-Mar-04/9:26 AM
Gosh!
regarding some deleted poem...	wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 195.157.153.253	25-Mar-04/9:27 AM
Drat!
Re: end of era by the indign	wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 195.157.153.253	25-Mar-04/9:27 AM
Gadzooks!
Re: Disgusting Stickmen by Bobjim	fevriere 62.254.128.6	25-Mar-04/9:27 AM
This is concrete poetry.
Re: Roses by abcmonkey78	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/10:27 AM
this switching from iambic to trochaic in this context kinda makes my brain hurt. Know what I mean? It has such a classic feel that I've been trained to think it will be iambic all the way through. So many rose poems in the world, were it not for the very last sentiment I'd completely forget it after the read.
Re: My Sister's a Ninja by fevriere	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/10:29 AM
LoL - the rhyme feels self-effacing, and that's cool. I like this one!
Re: thaw by JakeBike	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/10:38 AM
Hello Mr. Bike. I like the word usage (zodiac is on crack) - this has a mature feel to it. I think a typo in "velevt" though - and prolly "coming off" could be made more, especially considering the language around it. Maybe that would be too much? Dunno - consider it, see what u come up with.
Re: Tennessee by wilco	Fear of Garbage 156.63.85.15	25-Mar-04/10:45 AM
predictable yes, but the ending was worded more beautifully than past arrangements. well done.
Re: A Walk Along The Lonely Shore by Sam	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/10:58 AM
With thousands words the moon reflects the sea (?) Would it calm down or would just explode that stuff is, ah - ungood.
Re: Bridgebuilder by phbiscuit	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/11:14 AM
Because of the frost-like opener expectations get ratcheted up, I think. But the language falls short - a reasonably good concept but it doesn't flow. Doesn't endear. How to fix? Sorry I can't help with any specific nips or tucks; read more Frost, I guess.
Re: The Coast Is Never Clear by Fear of Garbage	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/11:19 AM
"giuse" ui "You need it, you look " - "you'll look"? "Fr" "For" beyond that - quite good. The simple and repetitive words like "like" is deceiving - works well. A fairly strong effort on a topic that could easily be (and often is) badly done.
Re: About men in toilets by scitz	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/12:18 PM
Last stanza is fairly good - did you start with that one at first? Prolly sould be cut down by a third overall.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/1:50 PM
nice collection of words, but there really isn't any connection to humanity, so I don't feel involved enough to have a lasting impression.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/1:53 PM
better than "lake superior" in the sense there is a connection to [me]. But now I'm left with "what do 2 fighting birds have in common with this commuter?". Bad ride home, road rage? Also nice no-cramped rhyming.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/1:56 PM
yeah - some fun with language. You are good with these word things - this being the 3rd thing I've read of yours. Some concrete topics, some humanity would be nice. I mean these are nice tastey snacks - a publisher would want a nice entre at least.
Re: I'm Alive! by sonawrote	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	25-Mar-04/1:56 PM
I like it because I feel dead and jealous. "streets that I've known"
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	25-Mar-04/2:00 PM
Cute, simple, not very interesting.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/2:00 PM
See, this fourth one is better. Its a universal emotion - but now, free of the artful word usages. There must be some synthesis between these two extremes? having said that - this one is quite nice. Maybe as a cinquain?? at night you shudder in my arms, i smile knowing you are with me and not dreaming elsewhere. [sorry, you only get two syllables in the last line]
Re: Lunacy by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	25-Mar-04/2:12 PM
Hey, thanks for helping me out with the comments today. This isn't bad btw - needs a little more I think though; its just the start of a character. Make [you] do something.