| Re: Seven by toker071 |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
28-Feb-04/7:21 AM |
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Tonka trucks, pigtails
you can use my favorite one -
castles in the sand
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| Re: Little Tounge by Figure 8 |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
28-Feb-04/7:35 AM |
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rename it with someting to do with fire and you'll almost have something.
or a dragon. and add another stanza.
btw, "mouth" (as you spell it) should be "muthge"
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| Re: Wartner by unouluvme |
unouluvme 209.110.217.14 |
28-Feb-04/8:49 AM |
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feel free to give suggestions...i cant spell so youll have to ignore that part. Well, thanks for the comments!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 67.240.192.146 |
28-Feb-04/9:28 AM |
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No semicolon after blade. Don't capitalize Your ever. 'Pierces through' is redundant, since piercing means it's breaking through. I personally dislike poems where the narrator is really aware of his/her unstable psychological situation, but this is less heavy-handed than most. Changing 'from thinking what I think' would make it even better.
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| Re: Lifes work by richa |
zodiac 67.240.155.225 |
28-Feb-04/9:37 AM |
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'to be' in 'once more to be buried' bothers me. I've been looking in Poet's Market at poetry reviews which specialize in minimalism, which I think is where you're headed. You might take a look at 'Indefinite Space' (wings.buffalo.edu/epc/ezines/treehome/tree05/indef_22.html) and 'Raw Dog Press/Post Poems,' (www.freeyellow.com/members/rawdog) among others. See if you can get published.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 66.167.126.86 |
28-Feb-04/11:39 AM |
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Very funny! Nice expansion to contraction.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 66.167.126.86 |
28-Feb-04/11:41 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 66.167.126.86 |
28-Feb-04/11:42 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 66.167.126.86 |
28-Feb-04/11:43 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 66.167.126.86 |
28-Feb-04/11:44 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 66.167.126.86 |
28-Feb-04/11:47 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 66.167.126.86 |
28-Feb-04/12:29 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 66.167.126.86 |
28-Feb-04/12:33 PM |
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Don't know about this one. It seems forced or maybe too playful.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
xxx 66.167.126.86 |
28-Feb-04/12:42 PM |
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trite. subject not personalized enough.
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| Re: The Ghost of Sarah Gyllenhall by wilco |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215 |
28-Feb-04/1:17 PM |
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The Phantom of the Opera once gave me a hand shandy.
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| Re: simply missing by daggatolar |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
28-Feb-04/4:09 PM |
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I really like this:
"Who is after me
My own me after me"
lots of originality here.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
28-Feb-04/4:54 PM |
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summer approaches
celebrate with poetry -
but this is a list.
Okay, it is a good list though - what does the last one mean?
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| Re: Shower by unouluvme |
unouluvme 209.110.217.87 |
28-Feb-04/5:15 PM |
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thanks...i dont know, does it flow well enough? I cant tell cause its my own poem.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
unouluvme 209.110.217.87 |
28-Feb-04/5:17 PM |
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does it sound better if you say fast or slow?
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| Re: Shark by cleverdevice |
unouluvme 209.110.217.87 |
28-Feb-04/5:22 PM |
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