Re: The Commanding Disobedince of Words by daggatolar	zodiac 152.30.60.186	23-Feb-04/8:29 AM
You have no command over your disobedient words. The old couples in the adjoining apartments hear them screeching all day for sugar-teats while you chain-smoke Virginia Slims 100s on your chintz-pattern couch, watch your "stories" and ignore them entirely. People like you, they mutter in the halls, have no right to words... Somebody oughta call the law on you...
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 152.30.60.186	23-Feb-04/8:33 AM
The second and third stanzas are the hardest for me. I just don't feel the rhythm, or the period after post. I should be a comma or semicolon.
Re: Thoughts in a cloud above the Catskills by Enkidu	richa 81.178.218.107	24-Feb-04/8:45 AM
OK I quite like triple rhyme, just a few things dont track. You are crying... why do you jest. Blackened ivory -- ivory is a cream colour, why would you blacken it, especially for use as braille. The final verse.
regarding some deleted poem...	Bachus 24.130.214.180	24-Feb-04/11:36 AM
You're a fine one trick pony.
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215	23-Feb-04/8:50 AM
You ought to be inserted into a beefburger and compressed.
Re: Inevitable by _iamtwilight_	zodiac 152.30.60.186	23-Feb-04/9:03 AM
<Sigh...>
Re: Inevitable by _iamtwilight_	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215	23-Feb-04/9:19 AM
Rewrite this from the perspective of a lobster. [8 marks]
Re: The Niche by Fear of Garbage	richa 81.178.197.110	23-Feb-04/1:23 PM
I think the comparison between woodwork and nightmare needs to be more elaborate. If it works it would be ace, but at the moment I am not getting it.
Re: She was supposedly yours... as was I by Katzclear	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	23-Feb-04/5:06 PM
cute
Re: The Niche by Fear of Garbage	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	23-Feb-04/6:25 PM
something with less finality at the end I think would do wonders for this. Something more poignant. I like the use of repetition.
Re: Tomorrow by phbiscuit	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	23-Feb-04/6:27 PM
"We float, With gentle exhaust, Allowing us to relax. Relieved " sounds somehow biological. I like the aliteration.
Re: Nude Reclining by cleverdevice	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	23-Feb-04/6:29 PM
second to last stanza is what yer shootin fer - the rest leaves me nothing to imagine.
Re: A Natural Witch by Lenore	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	23-Feb-04/6:32 PM
I'd rather some examples than a list of options. From this information could could make a good poem. Some weaknesses would add interest (otherwise the reader becomes jealous and spiteful).
Re: the wind's last crescendo by fair12	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	23-Feb-04/6:35 PM
Verry sweeet. Touching without a trace of sappiness - surprised myself at the reaction. well done. I'm going to suggest, despite my liking it very much, that you replace "summer" with something more specific (either a particular day or a month). My immediate reaction was "overused word" - but you quickly pulled me into the body to forget.
Re: Homecoming by somemorepoetry	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	23-Feb-04/6:37 PM
somemorecommas or something in stanza three would be nice - it kindof just keeps going. I feel like there is something deep here, and I like it, but the flow is distracting me.
Re: A Dream by DarkThirteens	DarkThirteens 24.18.137.238	23-Feb-04/6:53 PM
Thanks Horus! lol I capitalized Gone because I thought it would put more of a punch on the ending? I'm just beginning and trying new things. I'm open to ideas.
Re: Thoughts in a cloud above the Catskills by Enkidu	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	24-Feb-04/7:53 AM
Flows quite well in an older-world way.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	24-Feb-04/8:25 AM
nicely done.
Re: Jonquils, daffydils by fevriere	richa 81.178.218.107	24-Feb-04/8:28 AM
What white temple, if you are to use paris, I would suggest make some reference other than it is paris. Other than that cute, like knocking themselves dizzy
Re: Whore Of Nazareth by Mona Lisa	Bachus 24.130.214.180	24-Feb-04/12:34 PM
You obviously need a magical whore cape like mine. And more satellite tv royalties. Oh, and maybe a good motherfucking and a tight knit group of loose friends with interesting phrases like, "What if" and "Maybe, like, what if", then and only then will you respect the little man on the wood thing. What if, life had nothing to do with sluts, angels and Jesus, but real things like mountains, oceans, and life would you feel better?